I like to check my blog statistics every few days. You’re shown a wealth of information, some helpful, some less so. In theory you can use this info to fine-tune your posts to get the maximum response… for me, it’s mostly just interesting, as I’m going to write what I’m going to write, regardless of how popular it is or isn’t.
One of the pieces of information it shows are the keywords people type into search engines which lead them to my blog. By far and away, the most frequent phrase that pops up is “Veronica Ricci nude” or some variant thereof. For a long time, the second most common phrase I’d see was “cyborg costume” (because of this photo); currently, people looking up things about Jack Hanna and Blackfish come my way a lot. Sometimes the phrases are weird and creepy, but it’s still always interesting for me to see what people are looking for when they, intentionally or not, find my blog.
Recently I saw a very new phrase come up: “I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and I want to give up.” My heart just about broke. So if you’ll indulge me for a moment, I’d like to address the person who typed that.
I know how you feel. This is a shit hand to be dealt. It’s not fair, and it’s not your fault. I understand why you feel like giving up. It’s something everyone with any chronic illness of this caliber has to deal with. The idea of having to fight the same dragon every day for the rest of your life is utterly overwhelming. I think of it like the disease form of water torture; it’s not so much the individual moments which break you, but how they build up on each other.
I hope that whatever you found on my blog gave you some hope. I hope that at the very least it helped you feel less alone. I wish that I could promise you that there will be a cure soon, but we don’t know. Regardless of what your precise situation is, you don’t have to bear it all yourself. There is a wealth up support available online, and I personally have found great help from seeing a therapist who is a perfect fit for me. You can also contact The Samaritans if you’re feeling really desperate. I’ve done so myself on more than one occasion, and they really do help.
I would like to hug you and tell you everything will be ok. Since I can’t, I hope that you can feel like love and kinship I am writing this in. You are not alone. I hope you’re able to find the strength to keep going. Just as much as it becomes so overwhelming to think about the rest of your life being like this, I find it more bearable when you concentrate just on today. Just worry about getting through this one day. That can be more than enough overwhelming just on its own without projecting into the future. I hope you come back, read this and it helps you, even a little bit. And no matter what you feel from the people who surround you in your daily life, please know that I at least love you, and I care about you.
If you’d like, you can email me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org. You are not alone, and you are loved.