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What Else Can I Say About ME?

Here we are at May 12th again.  Another Invisible Illness Day come to bring awareness to all the illnesses and diseases which are impolite enough to leave their sufferers still appearing to be well.  Of course, anyone more than casually acquainted with someone who has fibromyalgia, myalgic encephalomyelitis, chronic fatigue syndrome, complex regional pain disorder, multiple sclerosis, rheumatoid arthritis, Crohn’s disease, Lyme, lupus and many, many more illnesses can attest to how debilitating they can be.  The facade of health they leave intact feels like salt in the wound; a confusion for those untouched by their cruel hand, a silent undermining force with us at every doctor’s appointment, a declaration that we are lying or greatly exaggerating our illness.

What else can I say about ME?  About all the other forgotten, ignored diseases swept under the rug of modern medicine?  Illnesses which embarrass our doctors with their constant reminder that we remain unhealed.  Sicknesses with confusing, confounding symptoms which can morph and change like the whim of a butterfly’s flight.  Maddening maladies which suck away our vitality, our joys, our passions, our lives as completely as any vampire.

I’ve written about ME extensively as it’s been an enormous part of my life for the last eight years.  How I have not had a single day since late May of 2008 that was free of pain or its constant, overwhelming exhaustion.  How it has progressively gotten worse each year.  How the government would like to pretend we invisibly ill don’t exist.  How grotesquely underfunded our research is, giving us the same amount of money for research as hayfever gets and less than 1/4 of what male pattern baldness receives.  You have heard me spout the facts and statistics.  You’ve heard me talk about my personal story and fight with ME.  What else can I say?

I can say this: I am not beaten.  I have not given up.

I am determined to get better.  I am committing myself to be well, even if I have it about through sheer mental will.  I will not give in to ME’s gloomy, hopeless future forecast of progressively worsening every year.  I am not accepting a future of the living death that is ME.

I don’t know exactly how I will get better, but I am going to.  As a sign of my determination, I changed my blog’s tagline for the first time since I started this blog years ago.  “Art, photography, life and why I always feel like shit,” felt perfectly appropriate at the time.  “Art, photography, life and how those are really all the same thing,” is much more appropriate now.  My identity is not Sarah-who-has-ME.  I am just Sarah.

As I wrote about in my last entry, my life has been pleasantly consumed recently by my spirituality.  I have strongly felt how focusing on fighting ME has been feeding it.  So now, I will ignore it as much as possible.  I do not mean that I will forget my body’s current limits, or not honor them.  Listening to my body and what it’s able to do is vital for my current and future wellbeing.  But I’ve realized that I can live within the confines of my case of ME while still not letting it reign in every area of my life, and that feel incredibly freeing.  This is the path I will pursue.

This also does not mean that I will not advocate for ME sufferers.  I still feel very strongly that the only way we will bring about change is by demanding it.  And we can only demand it if we know that it exists in the first place.  But I can also advocate without allowing ME to rule every part of my soul.

As May 12th approached, I wanted to create a new image for my Enchanted Sleep series, which is all about living with ME.  I asked Katie Johnson, frequent model and collaborator as well as dear friend, if she would help me bring some concepts to life and she gladly agreed to help.  Through a variety of factors, I wasn’t able to shoot these images until very recently, which meant I had a very short window to edit one up and release it for Invisible Illness Day, but I got it done!  Ideally, I would be releasing the whole short series we shot, but I am content with having just one to show you and help illustrate life with ME.  With that, please let me present my latest image to you, Living With The Tombstones.

Living With The Tombstones

Living With The Tombstones – © Sarah Allegra. Model: Katie Johnson. An image to help raise awareness about ME/CFS and other “invisible illnesses.”

I probably don’t have to explain the symbolism behind shooting this image in a graveyard.  ME (and many other invisible illnesses) truly can be a living, nightmarish death.  Even if you’re not one of the unfortunate souls cursed with severe ME, where any touch, light or sound cannot be tolerated, you die every day to the dreams and hopes you had when you were healthy.  You might discover new passions to pursue within ME’s confines, but do you ever truly forget what’s been taken from you?  If you do, I am not there yet.

I took the name “invisible illness” and interpreted it quite literally, editing out any part of Katie’s body which showed outside her long, princess-like dress.  And the mirrored mask felt like the perfect touch.  When people look at us, they rarely see us; they see their projections of who we are.  Often what they see says far more about them than us.  Some will look at me and, because I can occasionally manage to put on clothes, have Geoff drive and go with him to the grocery store, refuse to believe there could be anything physically wrong with me.  They don’t see the toll that those short, simple trips take on me.  They don’t know that grocery shopping is my ENTIRE plan for that day, probably several days.  How the lights and noise and bustle inside the stores give me migraines, panic attacks and leave me in bed for the rest of the weekend.  They don’t see the weight of my illness on Geoff and my family.  How if I see friends, they always have to come to me.  I so often feel like a dead-weight wife, daughter and friend.  The times I’m overwhelmed by the ME and can’t decide between crying and being too tired to cry.  How many pills I take every day to try and make it to the next day and not be consumed by the constant pain I’m in.  They just see a fairly normal-looking girl.

I can’t blame other people for not knowing that I’m sick.  I don’t display the characteristic signals of someone who is unwell, so of course people assume I’m healthy.  But we need to get to a place where I could tell a stranger that I have ME and they might know what I’m talking about.  That if someone else said they have MS or Crohn’s or fibro, that stranger would have heard of those illnesses.  That the stranger would have at least a basic idea of our struggle and the dire need for change, for research, for treatments, cures and basic respect.

We can get there.  We will.  One May 12th at a time.

Want to do more?  I can help you with that!

I’d like to thank everyone in my life, online and off, who has supported me during these trying past eight years.  Especially Geoff, who I’d only been dating for a month when I became ill.  Lesser men would have run from what he had to face, but he’s stuck with me, no matter how bad things get.  And I’d also like to thank everyone for the extremely warm and receptive response you all had to my previous blog post.  Your kind words and love and support are greatly appreciated, now and always! ❤

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I think it’s fair to say that 2014 has been something of a tumultuous year.  A lot of very good things happened!  And a lot of rather shitty things have happened to.  Let’s touch on the bad first and get that out of the way.

Reuniting With The Stars - detail © Sarah Allegra

Reuniting With The Stars – detail © Sarah Allegra; read on for the full image!

There was a heavy dose of bad this year.  Some of this has been discussed on the blog; three months of colds, sinus surgery, sinus surgery having dramatic and frightening complications, etc.  A lot of it has not been discussed on the blog, however; this does not feel like the proper forum for a lot of the more personal matters, especially ones which involve people other than myself.

The Oracle  - © Sarah Allegra

The Oracle – © Sarah Allegra

Geoff and I have to move.  We are really, really, really not happy about this.  I’m not going to discus the reasons for the move here, except to say that no one did anything wrong.  We always paid our rent, etc.  This is a heartbreaking blow; our neighbors have become like true family to us.  And while we won’t live too far apart after we all move to our new homes, it will never be the same as when we all lived together on the Compound, as we called it.

We Rise Again - © Sarah Allegra

We Rise Again – © Sarah Allegra

When my first surgery complication began and I started bleeding profusely from my nose to the extent that I was truly concerned that I might need an ambulance, our neighbor John came rushing home to make sure I was ok until Geoff could get there.  Once John and I decided an ambulance wasn’t needed, he sat on the floor with me and kept me calm and distracted.

Sleight Of Hand © Sarah Allegra

Sleight Of Hand © Sarah Allegra, featuring my neighbor, John

When I found myself suddenly clutching a whole litter of baby opossums and in charge of their safety, Donna came to the rescue and helped me keep them safe.  (They were eventually taken to a no-kill shelter which would rehabilitate them then release them into the wild when they were old enough.)  These are not your average people.  When we all found out that we’d no longer be living together, everyone cried openly.

One of the baby opossums

One of the baby opossums

And good heavens, it’s been so good for Calantha to be there!  Having a “pack” next door which she can come and go from as she pleases helped her put on a needed five pounds, which she’s maintained the whole time we’ve been here.  Basically, absolutely everyone is extremely unhappy about this for a lot of reasons, but there’s nothing we can do to stop it.

Calantha, modeling the Lady Death bonnet

Calantha, modeling the Lady Death bonnet

And of course I’ve been able to do a LOT of shooting there!  There are SO MANY trees; it’s very easy to make the background look like a forest if you just frame around the tell-tale signs of human habitation.  When you’re dealing with ME, being able to do an entire shoot without leaving your yard, or even getting out of your PJs if you want, can be an incredible boon.

This has also been an extremely tight year financially for us (which a move isn’t going to help).  Again, I shouldn’t go into exact details here, but a large part of our income vanished early this year and we’ve been trying to stanch the metaphoric bleeding ever since.

The Eye Of The Storm © Sarah Allegra

The Eye Of The Storm © Sarah Allegra

Those are the biggest highlights of the bad, of the things I feel I can talk about here.  It’s been a really difficult year and there have been many times when I’ve dissolved into tears over one more bad thing happening.  The world has felt completely against us most of the year, no matter what we’re planning or how noble it might be, which of course feels terribly unfair.  I’m holding out hope that this is all happening for a reason and that things will change soon.  Some days that’s a very difficult hope to hold on to.  I’ll talk a little more about this when I discuss this year’s new image.

Let’s move on to happier topics for now.  Let’s talk about some of the good things that happened this last year!

Inside Looking Out © Sarah Allegra

Inside Looking Out © Sarah Allegra

I was able to promote a lot of awareness about myalgic encephalomyalitis, or ME, with images (which go in my Enchanted Sleep series), interviews, articles, videos and blog entries.  During ME Awareness week, I wrote a blog entry for each day of the week and held a print giveaway for those who helped spread awareness about it.  The Microbe Discovery Project asked for people to share their ME stories, so I recorded a short video for them.

I got to work with some really fantastic new models, Dan Donohue and Travis Weinand.  They were both wonderful; the kind of models who make you want to come up with new concepts just for them.  I’m looking forward to working with both of them again!

Where Black Stars Rise © Sarah Allegra

Where Black Stars Rise © Sarah Allegra

Lost Pride © Sarah Allegra

Lost Pride © Sarah Allegra

 

I lost Dedeker Winston to the FOX show Utopia for a while, and I’m selfishly glad to have her back again 🙂

Water For The Free © Sarah Allegra

Water For The Free © Sarah Allegra

I was really pleased to have been included in quite a few online magazines, blogs and sites.  Photo Focus named me their Photographer of the WeekMillennial Magazine gave me their Self Portrait of the Week spot.

Phlearn, one of my very favorite photography sites, included me in their Weekend Inspiration blog three times during the year, with the images Lady Death, The Shadows Lengthen and The Light Is Winning.

Lady Death © Sarah Allegra

Lady Death © Sarah Allegra

I was able to have brushes with both of my favorite authors, Robin McKinley and Peter S. Beagle.  Robin McKinley was gracious enough to let me write two guest posts for her blog and talk about DreamWorld!  In addition to the ongoing work I’ve been doing with Peter Beagle and Connor Cochran, Peter’s manager/publisher as well as my business manager, they had a special showing of The Last Unicorn in Santa Fe, NM, in a theater George RR Martin has helped restore.  Since George RR Martin was going to be at the screening, Connor asked for some of my prints to hang in the theater, which led to this amazing moment caught on camera between the two beloved authors.  While I have been credited as taking the photo, I was unable to be there in person although I would have LOVED to have been there!

Peter S. Beagle and George RR Martin with unicorn and dire wolf plushies, in front of my prints!

Peter S. Beagle and George RR Martin with unicorn and dire wolf plushies, in front of my prints!

My dear friend and frequent model Katie Johnson started a video series interviewing some of the wonderful photographers she works with called Artist Profile.  Katie was kind enough to start the series interviewing me; you can see the video below!  The series has been really interesting to watch grow and I’m very honored to be a part of it!

Many of you will have heard me talk about how intensely I love Sundance’s original show Rectify.  If you’re new to the party, I LOVE IT.  Go watch it right now.  Both seasons are streaming on Netflix!  For those who have seen it, I gathered my courage, reminded myself that it’s just a show and that these are actors, not the actual characters, and asked Jayson Warner Smith (Wendell on the show) if I could interview him for the blog.  He is actually a lovely and not at all icky, creepy person and kindly sad yes to my interview request!

Tell Me A Happy Story © Sarah Allegra

Tell Me A Happy Story © Sarah Allegra

One of my images was featured on Etsy‘s front page which made me squeal like a little girl.  Luckily I got a screen capture of it before it changed to another treasury!

Etsy's front page 08/08/2014

Etsy’s front page 08/08/2014

After I released Where Earth Meets The Sky, it was requested that I make a video showing how I’d created the image.  Happy to oblige, I made the following video:

Through the kind help of my friend Handy Andy Pandy, I learned how to make animated gifs showing the whole editing process of an image, which I’ve had a lot of fun doing!  I don’t do it for every image just for time reasons, but I think it’s fun to do when I can.  Speaking of Andy, he included me in his recommended artist list both for his part of the Blog Hop, and also on the article he wrote for FStop Lounge titled 3 Photographers You Should Follow.  I blushed and couldn’t have been prouder!

The Blue Ribbon © Sarah Allegra

The Blue Ribbon © Sarah Allegra

I wrote an article for In My Bag titled 5 Reasons Why Creative Self Portraiture Will Help You Become An Epic PhotographerBrooke Shaden was the guest judge that month and felt my article was good enough that she created a third place spot just so my article could be crowned third!  Talk about feeling good!

I’ll try and wrap up this year’s big interviews and features… there was the one Lens People did, a lovely and in-depth interview with Ezra Magazine, and another feature from Dodho Magazine.  The wonderful publication Photography Monthly included one of my self portraits in their October issue from this year.

Where Earth Meets The Sky, model Katie Johnson.  © Sarah Allegra

Where Earth Meets The Sky, model Katie Johnson. © Sarah Allegra

The esteemed Photographer’s Forum chose one of my images, Where Earth Meets The Sky, modeled by Katie Johnson, as a finalist in their 2014 Best of Photography Contest.

Photographer's Forum Best of Photography 2014 book - click here to get your own copy!

Photographer’s Forum Best of Photography 2014 book – click here to get your own copy!

Perhaps one of the best online feature I’ve had so far came this year when BoingBoing ran a feature on my “dreamy, trippy, fantasy photography” after seeing it come up in their Flickr stream!

Singed Wings © Sarah Allegra

Singed Wings © Sarah Allegra – an image to honor the Granite Mountain Hotshots

But I think the feature I’m most proud of came from winning a contest from Good Light! Magazine, hosted by Viewbug.  The contests’ theme was “People and Water.”  My image “A Drop of Blood” was chosen as the winning photo, which of course was just thrilling!  But the prizes were really meaningful to me; first, a feature on View Bug’s blog about how I captured the image.  Next was a really lovely article in Good Light!’s magazine about why the image was chosen:

Good Light Magazine Feature, image © Sarah Allegra

Good Light Magazine Feature, image © Sarah Allegra

And then my very favorite part was watching the short video where you can actually hear from the contest’s judge himself (and hear it in his lovely accent!) about why the winning images were chosen.  It was truly thrilling and embarrassing to hear someone say such nice things about my photograph!  Although I will gently note that the title came first and the image was built around it, not the other way around, but I can certainly see how it could confuse people!

Now, in less photography-related news, Geoff and I got to see the Breaking Bad House.  We also celebrated out 3-year anniversary of being married, which Geoff worked hard to made special despite me being deep in the hell of every-three-week-colds.

Happy anniversary!!!

Happy anniversary!!!

At the advice from Patti Penn, my Reiki teacher, and Geoff, I started making an important mental shift.  I realized that I was looking at my future with ME as written in stone; that it was a pre-determined fate for me to always be sick with it to some degree.  Sure, you hear about some people who go into remission, and even more rarely, are cured, but it was too painful to hope for that.  I tried to not expect that I would always get progressively worse, even though that seemed to be the direction everything was heading in, regardless of whatever diet or lifestyle changes I made.  It was less scary to expect that I’d always be dealing with it to some degree; opening myself up to the idea that I might get better some day was making myself vulnerable to extreme disappointment.

The Fragile Blossom That Opens In The Snow © Sarah Allegra

The Fragile Blossom That Opens In The Snow © Sarah Allegra

But I slowly started realizing that if I expected to always be sick, it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy and I would always be sick.  So as frightening as it might be, I had to start letting the idea of being healthy enter my life.  And it was very scary, very difficult.  Knowing you’re going to be fucked for the rest of your life is something you can adjust to, prepare for and learn to accept.  Having the possibility of healing destroyed the mental plans I’d been preparing myself for, and while it would be a very, very good thing to find myself well, the risk of shattering disappointment was so great, I didn’t want to even entertain the idea.

But I needed to embrace that idea, as terrifying as it might be.  Geoff and Patti both brought up the same idea to me, completely independent from each other and without knowing what I’d been thinking through.  It seemed like a very clear sign.  So I’m taking a deep breath and plunging into the frightening unknown.  The unknown where I could get better some day.  And if I don’t get better, it certainly will be heartbreaking.  But if I don’t allow myself to be vulnerable in this way, then I definitely will not ever get better.

Toward The Boiling Sun © Sarah Allegra

Toward The Boiling Sun © Sarah Allegra

This is one of my big plans for 2015.  Every day, instead of dwelling on what I couldn’t or didn’t do, focus on what I did do.  Even if 99.9% of me feels like complete shit, focus on that .01% where I felt good.  Instead of being frustrated, angry and disappointed with the limitations of my body and mentally say nasty, demoralizing to it, I’ll praise it for the good it did.  I’ll tell it that I know it’s working so hard, that it’s trying its best and that I appreciate all the effort it goes to.  It will take time to make this mental shift, but it’s worth making it.  And I will practice grace with myself, both in what my mental dialogue is and with however long it takes me to heal.  I believe this is the only way I have any hope of getting completely better some day… and no matter how painful that hope can be sometimes, I will commit to it.

Spring's Awakening © Sarah Allegra

Spring’s Awakening © Sarah Allegra

I’ve got a lot I’ll be working on through 2015.  I have big plans for my Glass Walls series, which explores animal rights, along with continuing to build DreamWorld.  A couple burners are being kept busy with Peter Beagle/Conlan-related plans.   And I’ve got numerous projects at various points of completion which I’ll be sharing with you when I can 🙂

The Light Is Winning © Sarah Allegra

The Light Is Winning © Sarah Allegra

I’ve scattered some of my favorite images taken over the past year throughout this post (many of which you can find in my 2015 calendar, on sale here!), but I wanted to leave you with something to inspire you in your own photo creations!  So, in no particular order, here are some of the photographers I recommend you start following right now, if you haven’t already!  There may be some nudity, so just keep that in mind.

Jessica Trinh/Sprinkle Happiness

David Talley

Helen Warner

Chris Arnade

Tim Andrews

Kindra Nikole

Kirsty Mitchell

Brooke Shaden

Robert Cornelius

Handy Andy Pandy

Unsinn Image

And lastly, though she is not a photographer, I highly recommend following Katie Johnson, one of the models I work with most frequently.  She writes blogs for several site which cover a variety of subjects and angles.  If you’re interested in modeling or pole dancing to gain confidence, you’ll find her a kindred spirit.  If you’re a photographer, many of her articles are directed at you and will help you improve your photographer/model relationships.  Plus, she’s just the loveliest person and one I am happy to have in my life and call a friend 🙂

Carried Away By The Wind © Sarah Allegra - a rare image without a human subject

Carried Away By The Wind © Sarah Allegra – a rare image without a human subject

So… this new image.  As I’ve said, it’s really been a pretty rough year, all around.  I watched a movie with my mom recently, on a day she came to visit me after my surgery and make sure I actually laid down all day (something I have trouble doing).

Winter’s Tale ended up being very much a “Sarah movie” as Geoff calls them.  Critics weren’t overly taken with it, and I can see their arguments, but at the end of the day, I still really enjoyed the movie.  It’s hard to make mythic, hopeful movies which are sweet without being cloying or heavy-handed, and I felt that Winter’s Tale balanced itself well.  It’s also very beautiful visually and several of the themes inspired new creations of my own.

Richness In Winter © Sarah Allegra

Richness In Winter © Sarah Allegra

One of the movie’s main points is that “everything happens for a reason” (even the bad things).  This has been such an incredibly trying year; right now I can’t imagine good reasons for the numerous bad things which have hounded Geoff and me this year.  This image is sort of a peace-offering in a way.  A symbol to the universe to say I don’t know what the purpose of these things could have been, but I’m going to trust that there is a reason.  And not just any reason, but a good one.  One I will look back on later and smile, thinking of all the heartache and knowing it had been worth it.

This is the attitude I want to start 2015 off with.  A humble admission that I don’t have all the answers, and never will, but that I am continuing my direction of my life in the hope that tremendous good will be found along this path.  At the moment it feels a bit like a blind faith, but I have decided this is the mindset I need to start off 2015.  I am taking my leap; I hope the universe catches me.

Reuniting With The Stars © Sarah Allegra

Reuniting With The Stars © Sarah Allegra

Thank goodness Byron was around to lend me his opinion while I edited Katie 🙂

Byron giving me his opinion while I edited Katie

Vegan “burger” patties, mashed garlic cauliflower and baked potato, in case you’re curious what I was eating for dinner that night 🙂

 

What are you holding onto for 2015?  What plans are you making?  What hopes do you have?  I’d love to hear them!

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Before I forget, I want to thank everyone who so lovingly came together for my friend Erick!  I am extremely happy to say that he is doing much, much better and has been released from the hospital.  He isn’t through this rough patch yet, but it seems the worst is behind him and his spirit has been lifted for the fights ahead.  Thank you all dearly for your thoughts, wishes and prayers.  I know it all made a difference.

I wanted to let you all know that I’ll be taking a “vacation” for the next week or so.  I’m not going anywhere; in fact, the whole point is for me to stay at home and really, really rest.  August was one of the worst health months I’ve had in a long time, including two urgent care visits (very early in the morning) two appointments with my GP,  a 5am call to the 24 hour nurse hotline (which led to one of the GP visits but I was worried I needed to to the emergency room) two colds, one ear infection, one thing which I thought was another ear infection and turned out to be allergy-related, countless migraines and almost as many nights of insomnia as nights where I slept.  It was just a really hard month.

I had a few photography things I needed to take care of, but as of now, I’m taking a little time off.  I’m thinking a week or so, but obviously I can tinker it to fit how I’m feeling.  I may not be on social media as much for the next few days and I may or may not post a photo next week.  I actually have one ready to go but the posting requires more energy than you’d think, especially if it needs to be promoted in any way.  So that’s all to say, I’m going to hunker down and try and stay in bed in my PJs as much as possible for the next week.  I may be a little quieter online, but it won’t be forever.  🙂

And that leads me neatly into two other things I’ve been trying to find time to say between all the craziness.  One is a guest article I wrote for MESupport.Co.UK.  Louise, who runs the site, was very generous with letting me pick the topic I wanted to write about and also being extremely forgiving about how long it took me to actually get the article to her!  It was fun to write it once I actually could, and I got to use a story my dad likes to tell about me when I was very little, so give her a read 🙂

I was discussing the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge with @RidgeBackRogue, who also has ME, a few weeks ago and wondered out loud what we could do for ME that would be similar.  One of the problems with the Ice Bucket Challenge is that people with severe ME would never be able to do it; they can barely tolerate light, let alone ice-cold water.  It would be uncomfortable and a little harmful even for me, and I’m just moderate. We wanted it to be something that anyone of nearly any health level could do.

She immediately came up with a great idea: The ME Movie and Chocolate Challenge!  Guess how it works.  Within 1 week of being challenged, you must watch any movie of your liking while eating something with chocolate!  We’re pretty forgiving here, so if you don’t care for chocolate, you could substitute whatever you like best.  Then you donate the average price of a movie ticket to an ME charity – I like the Microbe Discovery Project for the US and RidgeBackRogue suggests Invest In ME for UK residents!

And while those with the most, most severe form of ME still wouldn’t be able to participate, the poor souls, this is accessible to people of a wider range of the health spectrum.

So that’s it!  I’ll be doing my ME Movie and Chocolate Challenge over the next week… what should I watch?  If I had to pick right now, I’d probably go with Cloud Atlas, The Green Mile or In Bruges… or just a bunch of episodes of Breaking Bad, True Detective or Rectify; enough to make up a movie’s-length of time.  I don’t see how I can go wrong with any of those choices!

Would anyone like to volunteer to be next?  Extra karma points to you if you do 🙂

In Between Awake And Asleep - this is what I plan on doing for the next week; magically hovering over the bed.  Or maybe I'll deign to actually lay in bed.  With PJs that are actually comfortable.  And sleep.  That all sounds better.

In Between Awake And Asleep – this is what I plan on doing for the next week; magically hovering over the bed. Or maybe I’ll deign to actually lay in bed. With PJs that are actually comfortable. And sleep. That all sounds better.

 

 

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