Wow, it feels like FOREVER since I finished my last piece! This year has not been conducive to creating art. I’ve done my best despite the circumstances which kept popping up (moving, medications, long ME flares, devoting a ton of time to the gallery show, stress from my recent battle among other things) but it’s felt like a very dry year creatively. All I can do is my best though, and even when the ME really cramps my style, I still manage to get pieces finished… just much more slowly than I would like.
It was in this depressed feeling of “I haven’t created anything in the longest time imaginable” that today’s image was born. When my regular creative outlets are blocked to me (by, say, solid weeks of migraines as I adjust to each new medication dosage), I become despondent and depressed. Life slowly loses its flavor and color and if I’m not careful, I’ll sink into a pit of despair just like Artax in The Neverending Story. Luckily, I have Geoff and my friends and family around to cheer me on and make sure I never sink too low, but much of it is outside of anyone’s control.
As I mentally pictured how I felt, this was it. A big, ugly cloud of despair, depression, worthlessness, swirling around my head. But this time, unlike my last self portrait which explored a similar theme, I wanted to show a bit of hope at the same time. The cloud is surrounded, penetrated and pierced by beautiful, golden rays of light. They stream in through the darkness, weaving through its thick blackness. The darkness cannot survive in the light. It will be broken up and dissipate. And while I know this will probably not be my last battle with depression, I also know that each round will eventually be over… and once again, the light will have won. That is the hope I cling to when the clouds cover me.
I’d like to mention my friend and very talented photographer Robert Cornelius’s Dust to Dust series as it provided some inspiration in my planning out of the darkness cloud. Thanks, Robert! 🙂 He’s an incredible photographer and all-around cool dude, so check out his work if you’re not familiar with it!
This image belongs to my Eternal Storms series on depression, anxiety and other mental health issues. These topics are still seen as quite taboo to discuss, something I hope to help with by portraying what living with them is like openly and honestly. Silence and shame never helped a single illness get cured. We need to be able to speak openly about our experiences, without judgement or fear, if we’re ever going to healed from them.
Do you have depression? Try being a little more honest next time a trusted friend asks how you are. You don’t have to go into excruciating detail, but try to avoid the temptation to simply answer “fine,” unless you actually are. And if you have friends or family who you suspect or know suffer from any kind of mental ailment? Invite them to tell you about it, ask some questions, assuring them that talking to you is safe and you will not judge them or call them crazy. It is crucialthat you answer whatever they tell you with love. It is incredibly hard for people to open up and talk to others about these problems, so take their trust very seriously and treat it with the gentlest and greatest respect.
As we approach Thanksgiving, let’s be thankful for the help and support we have. For the people dedicated to helping us win our fight. For the people who will listen to us with only love and understanding in their hearts. The people who give us hope. The inner strength we are able to find when we think we’ve exhausted it all. Those extra beams of light when we need them the most. We need more people like this in the world. Let’s try and all be them to each other. The simple fact that there are people in the world who try to reach this goal is something I am very thankful for!
First things first: the light. Let’s get to the winner of The Blue Ribbon! Drum roll please…
Congratulations, Brittany D. Perkins!!! You havewon a beautiful, 10″ x 15″ print of The Blue Ribbon!. Your print will come on beautiful, shimmering, pearlized, archival paper and will be hand-signed. Please send an email to me at sarah@sarahallegra.com with your mailing address and I’ll get it to you!
What do you guys think? Was that fun? Something we should do again? Did the tweeting format work for you? Let me know your thoughts and I can fine-tune my contest process to make it better for everyone! Don’t forget that my fundraising will continue for the entire month of May, so stock up on your art purchases now while they’ll do the most good!
I think I was telling you guys about the evolution of this character. I’ve always had a thing for horns and antlers on people (see my very first self portrait as proof) and wanted to work them into DreamWorld from the beginning. As with most mythologies, I felt there was room for a Puckish, trickster character, which is what I had in mind when I started constructing this creature. The beginning of my work on him coincided with the beginning of True Detective, a pure coincidence, but True Detective’s ominous Yellow King bled into my concept, and before I knew it my trickster had transformed beyond a mere Puck or even Loki into the DreamWorld version of The King In Yellow.
DreamWorld is an ever-evolving place, and while this King is the first sinister character to be portrayed, there are other forces at work. We will meet them eventually. For now, I think it is enough to know that the King in Yellow has been sent into exile by DreamWorld’s true King for trying to usurp the throne and plunge DreamWorld into darkness. He has been foiled for now, and is thus known as they Exiled King, though some still whisper of the King in Yellow and restoring him to his rightful, dark glory along with those who seek the same goals… but I don’t worry. The King is strong and benevolent. And we haven’t even met the Queen yet, though we will soon. She also rules for good, and is not to be taken lightly.
Let the whispers and secrets travel where they will. The King in Yellow has been sent into exile as a merciful punishment, but I doubt a second grab for the throne would be met with such leniency.
Now that you know about the Exiled King, want to see how he came to life?
My initial inspiration for the antlers was the Makhor goat’s horns, such as seen in this stock image:
Horns are always tricky to build for human heads. Making them stable but light, keeping them balanced on the head while trying to appear that there’s no supporting structure at all… they’re always a nightmare to make. And I knew these ones were going to be the largest pair I’d made yet. As usual, I dove in without a real plan and figured it out as I went.
I started with a regular headband and some strong but light wire, wrapped around itself and twisted generously onto the headband. I began introducing the twisted shape by wrapping it around my arm a few times.
I wrapped a thin layer of newspaper over each wire frame, adding a layer of masking tape on top to help it hold its shape and smooth it.
Looking very lop-sided at the moment
I initially tried spraying the antlers with spray adhesive to try to help smooth the antlers further, but all it really did was make it tacky, even after it had dried. I sighed and decided I’d try and use it to my advantage by covering the antlers with a layer of metallic gold tissue paper (which smells really weird, by the way). I filled in some of the larger dips and gaps with hot glue and added a little more tissue paper, but I knew I’d end up having to do a little smoothing to them in post production. I don’t remember why now, but I ended up getting these finished just the evening before my morning shoot, so I didn’t have more time to tinker with them and make them absolutely perfect.
You can see here the careful support structure I created literally with toothpicks and popsicle sticks broken into smaller strips. Sometimes the most straight-forward way is the best way 🙂 They’re also reinforced with a little bit of monofilament line to help them not bow away from each other.
With the antlers done, I moved onto the leaf mantle. I used approximately a billion fake leaves for this which I’d collected over several years and a number of projects. I still found myself nearly running out by the end and had to ration them carefully. I concentrated on the leaves around the face first, which also conveniently covered the antler’s headband and support structures.
A full mantle of leaves
I’ve had this one vest in my “costume” supplies for a very long time and I just love it. It looks very rugged and home-spun and fits a very wide variety of looks and styles. I’m pretty sure it was made for someone closer to my size than Dan’s, so I quickly added extra length to it by cutting straight through the shoulder seem and building a new shoulder strap with leaves hot glued to each other. The yard provided a wealth of beautiful acorns to choose from and use as buttons. And don’t worry, the squirrels still had more to eat than they ever could.
Next was the big leaf amulet. I’d gotten this pack of huge, very realistic leaves probably two years ago and had been holding on to them, waiting for them to become useful. Now was their time! This heavy chain was also in my stash for similar reasons, and became a lovely chain for what would be a leaf amulet.
Some smaller, gold-dusted leaves, a large gold key and an amber-colored, leaf-shaped crystal finished it off.
Almost done!
Leaf slipper tops
The very last thing I made were “leaf slippers,” for lack of a better word. They were just several leaves glued together with elastic straps to help keep them on Dan’s feet; super easy!
Leaf slipper bottoms
I also cut up some strips of a golden-brown, rustic-looking cotton to tie around Dan’s sleeves and pant legs, but that would be assembled the day of. As far as my prep work went, I was done! I honestly can’t remember exactly how long the whole costume took to make… several days of solid work, no sleep? Eight weeks? I have no idea, but it was long. When I’m deeply involved in a project like this, time melts away for any practical use.
Before I get more into this, let me back up and tell you about Dan Donohue, who so beautifully brought my character to life. Dan is celebrated actor, best known for his extensive theater work. He played Scar in Disney’s Broadway version of The Lion King and left for Oregon almost immediately after our shoot to go play Henry the III at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival’s version of Henry the III, as well as the father in their production of A Wrinkle In Time. You would never believe from meeting him that he does evil and sinister so well; he is truly one of the kindest, most enthusiastic and genuinely lovely people I’ve had the pleasure of working with. But the moment I told him to be a villain, it all fell away and for a second I had to catch my breath because he so completely embodied The King In Yellow. Dan is a muse if I’ve ever met one and a pure delight to work with! He’s also very creative and funny, as I’ll get into more later.
The morning of the shoot came quickly, Dan and I found our location and the entire shoot was easy and felt effortless. There may have been a bit more effort on Dan’s part trying to keep his antlers and mantle from toppling over if he moved his head too far in any direction, but it seemed that his theater experience really paid off and helped him manage this probably cumbersome bit of costume beautifully.
Antler wrangling
Generally when I shoot new DreamWorld characters, I edit one or two images; maybe three if I feel they’re all really compelling, but in this instance I edited five. This is almost unprecedented. The only other time I’ve edited more photos from a single concept, with no costume or location changes was for the Katie’s World set. That says quite a lot about how perfectly Dan was able to become the Exiled King. But enough talking about them. You want to see the images, right?
You’ve seen this first one already since I used it to tease the series, but I’m posting it again so the whole set can be seen together as intended. To set the mood, here are the two quotes which most directly influenced how I took the set, one from Robert W. Chamber’s book The King In Yellow and one from True Detective.
–Cassilda’s Song, The King In Yellow by Robert W. Chambers
“Him who eats time. Him robes; it’s a wind of invisible voices. Rejoice, death is not the end! Rejoice, death is not the end! Rejoice, Carcosa!”
– Miss Delores, True Detective episode 7, After You’ve Gone
The Shadows Lengthen
The Shadows Lengthen – detail
The Shadows Lengthen – detail. Dan’s hand here kills me every time, it’s SO PERFECT. I never knew a single hand could be so expressive, yet it is.
Pliable Reality – shot using a home-made “Lensbaby” which was the top of a water bottle
Pliable Reality – detail
Pliable Reality – detail
Pliable Reality – detail
Where Black Stars Rise
Where Black Stars Rise – detail
Where Black Stars Rise – detail
Where Black Stars Rise – detail
The Tatters Of The King
The Tatters Of The King – detail
The Tatters Of The King – detail
And perhaps my favorite of them all….
His Robe Is A Wind of Invisible Voices
His Robe Is A Wind of Invisible Voices – detail
His Robe Is A Wind of Invisible Voices – detail
His Robe Is A Wind of Invisible Voices – detail
His Robe Is A Wind of Invisible Voices – detail
Whew, still with me? I know that was a long post, but I had a lot of photos to cover!
He’s not REALLY evil, he just pretends really well!
The only sad thing is that we never got to see how well Dan managed his leaf slippers, but trust me, he killed it like everything else.
Dan as Richard the III – Copyright Oregon Shakespeare Festival
Thank you so much to Dan for being the perfect King in Yellow and furthermore being extremely patient as I slowly edited all of these!! Hopefully we won’t have to wait too long to see the Exiled King’s companions and cohorts! Dan has been invited back again whenever he returns to California, so he may pop up in more photos; I hope so 🙂
***WARNING: this post will contain spoilers for this season of True Detective. Turn back now, ye who have not seen it.***
There. With the formalities out of the way, we can settle in and chat 🙂
I don’t believe I have ever witnessed such a frenzied, overwhelming reaction to a television show in such a short amount of time. True Detective was only eight episodes long. I knew, for myself, that I was going to be completely obsessed with it by the second episode; I warned Geoff about it and that I was going to have to buy it on DVD the very moment it came out. You all probably know by now how I tend to obsess over things.
For anyone unfamiliar with True Detective, it is an eight-episode series which recently ran on HBO. It tells the story of Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey, two detectives who are partnered together to solve a serial killer murder mystery. The show jumps around from 1995, when they believe they solved the crime, and 2012, when it rapidly becomes obvious that something is amiss; the killer was not apprehended after all.
What impressed me so much was how strongly the entire internet reacted to the show. Within those same short, first few weeks the internet exploded with True Detective interest, and by the finale, the fervor was so high that fans streaming the episode through HBO GO crashed the network’s servers. This is the kind of rabid loyalty that usually takes years to build up, like with Breaking Bad, for example. Both shows completely deserved the devotion given to them, but it intrigues me that True Detective was able to accomplish this in a mere eight weeks. What is so different about this show?
Like the very best art, it’s extremely difficult to parse out exactly what makes it so special. True Detective was pure magic, and I don’t believe it’s something that can be distilled down to a formula and repeated endlessly. But I’m still going to take a stab at defining what I think people, including myself, are responding to so strongly.
1. Relateable, real, unique characters. Marty Hart and Rust Cohle, played by Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey respectively, are fascinating. They are fully realized, flawed, broken men but they still try to do good and make a difference in the world. Whether you’re more of a Hart or a Cohle (guess which one I am – HAH), you’ll find someone to identify with.
These men both deserve Emmys and any and all awards given out to television performances for their acting. To be honest, I’d never really gotten Matthew McConnaughey before. True Detective completely changed my opinion of him; I was absolutely blown away. Woody Harrelson is, of course, spectacular as well, but I went in expecting to enjoy his work. McConnaughey’s jaw-dropping performance in scene after scene was a revelation to me.
2. A script which treats its audience with respect. You will not be talked down to here. There is no spoon-feeding of the audience. You are expected to pay attention and remember clues dropped in one episode and discovered in another. Nothing has been dumbed-down and it’s incredibly refreshing. I want my shows to challenge me, to engage me, to literally take me on a journey. True Detective does all that and more.
3. Myth and metaphor. If you’ve seen any of the series, you’ve probably already read about how much of it was inspired by Robert W. Chambers’ 1895 classic work The King In Yellow. The King In Yellow is a collection of short stories about a fictional play within the stories by the same name. The first act of the made-up play is safe but it lures you into reading the second act. Anyone who reads even a few words of the second act is shown such horrific truths about the universe that they’re driven insane. Carcosa, The Yellow King, masks (both literal and metaphoric, masking who you truly are), black stars, the sign of the Yellow King, truth about the world bringing on madness, it all stems from The King In Yellow. This is the kind of thing that really excites me. And yes, I did read the entire King In Yellow between episodes just enhance my viewing pleasure. This is the kind of loyalty the show inspires. While it is certainly possible to watch the show and enjoy it without having delved into hundred-year-old, obscure literature, you want to for True Detective.
I have always been a proponent of the power of myth and metaphor. Its something that I try to use as often as possible in my own work. They are an incredibly strong force, which is rarely drawn on in television; certainly not to this degree.
Take the detectives’ names. Marty (Martin) Hart and Rust (Rustin) Cohle. Marty; the warm, personable, passionate, fiery, family-man-with-something-on-the-side. Martin is derived from Mars, Roman god of war and means “warring.” “Warring,” whether against the killer he hunts or the banalities of daily life, and “heart” are two perfect words to sum Marty up. “Rust” and “coal” are perfect expressions of Rustin Cohle; bleak, nihilistic and emotionless. Rust only occurs on metal, an element which is the perfect metaphor for Rust, cold and strong, but wounded, and we watch him disintegrate a little bit at a time. Coal… I can think of nothing better to describe Rust’s heart after his young daughter’s death, which sent him down this path of meaninglessness and hopelessness. But like real coal, there is the potential to change into something utterly different and glitteringly beautiful.
The more you pay attention to the show, the more subtleties you pick up on. Pay attention to how the color yellow is used, for example. Scenes that have the most to do with the killer are the most yellow. When Rust makes Marty view the VHS tape of Marie Fontenot’s murder, not only is the whole screen is saturated in yellow, it’s a clear metaphor for Marty having read the “second act.” And after you’ve read the second act, there is no going back. Things can never be the same.
Myth and metaphor are so cleverly and generously used, I could go on for pages about it, but you get the idea. I think you’ll have more fun if you watch the show and try to pick out the references yourself 🙂
I also love how the show uses classic noir and literature traits, like showing peoples’ reactions to horror instead of the horror itself. It’s an underused and extremely effective method of story-telling, not to mention underscores the mysterious tone of the entire show.
5. Healing and redemption – and the twist-within-a-twist ending. You expect, this being a show about two detectives solving a crime, even though by now you know you’ll see something more than that, that the show will end on a climax of Marty and Rust catching the killer. And they do catch their killer… who ends up being at once creepier and more ordinary than you had expected the grand Yellow King to be, which feels like a very authentic picture of actual murderers. Twist one. Marty and Rust catch their Yellow King about halfway through the last episode, giving them almost another 30 minutes to fill. Why would they need the extra time, you wonder. To finish the story. To really finish the real story.
What’s the real story? As Rust says, it’s the oldest story, of light verses darkness. Not just in the grander sense of of Marty and Rust catching their man, but of them facing the darknesses within their own lives. For Marty, this means seeing the family he destroyed years ago with his multiple affairs. And while things are far from all forgiven and forgotten, the show makes it clear that the fact that his ex-wife and daughters are even in the same room with him is a huge hurdle to have crossed. Marty is not ok. His family is not ok. But now, finally, things can begin to heal and just maybe, they will be ok some day.
And then there’s Rust. Rust, who began to withdraw from the world years and years ago when his young daughter was suddenly killed. Rust, who wants to hurry up and catch their man because his entire life has been “a circle of violence and degradation as long as I can remember” and he wants to end it as soon as his work is done. You can’t blame him for feeling that way. I think he expected he would die in the final confrontation with the killer, which very nearly did happen, but he finds himself alive still at the other end, after awakening from the coma his wounds put him in. What’s left for our nihilistic, philosophical, misanthropic hero?
A lot, it turns out. Our emotionless, cerebral, steely man, who I can remember smiling only once during the whole series, breaks down sobbing. In his coma, he had a vision of the afterlife where he encountered his father’s and daughter’s spirits, and moreover, he encountered their love. Love which continued beyond death. Which wiped away any disappointments his father may have had for him in life, any guilt he may have felt over his daughter’s death. He was wrapped in pure love, something he had never experienced before.
It profoundly effected him. When Marty, looking up at the night sky observes that the dark seems to have a lot more territory, Rust responds with “Yeah, you’re right about that… But you’re looking at it wrong… Once, there was only dark. If you ask me, the light’s winning.”
Twist two. The entire show wasn’t about them catching the Yellow King. The entire thing led up to this moment, when Marty and Rust are reconciled, the healing has begun, and Rust has his first moment of optimism. Healing and redemption. Light verses dark. That’s what we’d been watching this whole time.
So how does my self portrait tie in? In a lot of ways actually. Most obviously, it’s a reference to the starry night Marty and Rust philosophize under, the hope and beauty they were able to find. The yellow is obvious as well, and since purple is yellow’s complimentary color, that seemed like a good direction to go in. What’s hard to see in the shrunken, internet-appropriate version of the image is how the yellow fabric is sliding off my face; the mask is coming off. And most importantly, I wanted to portray the optimism Rust found there at the very end. Maybe life isn’t all shit and misery. Maybe it’s full of beauty and wonder too. I’ll do my part to try and make that second part more and more true.
To give credit where it’s due, I have to say that I originally got the idea to shoot my grandmother for DreamWorld from Ashley Lebedev’s beautiful portrait of her grandmother. It immediately struck a chord with me, and I began brainstorming concepts for my grandmother right away.
My Gramma is a really cool lady. She’s led a fascinating life and has been a inspiration to me of being a strong, spiritual, independent, loving woman. She taught kindergarten for 30+ years (and is endlessly patient and cheerful, as you would expect), is well read and recently got her first Iphone. I have such fond memories growing up with her, and I am so glad to have her in my life! I wanted this photo to celebrate her, and all that she is to me… or at least all that I can cram into one photo 🙂
My grandfather tragically died quite suddenly of a heart attack when I was 17. He was the love of her life… and really, the love of everyone who he came into contact with. He was a truly remarkable man, and I will tell you more about him one day when I finally get the photo honoring his memory shot in a way that I’m satisfied with. But for now we can say that he was extraordinary, and everyone was shaken by his loss, most of all my grandmother. I can only imagine how incredibly difficult and painful that must have been.
But Gramma handled it with such grace and strength, I was deeply impressed, even at my young age. She delivered a celebratory and wonderful eulogy at his memorial which left everyone smiling through their tears. And since then, though we all miss him greatly, his memory has been kept alive in a spirit of appreciation and love.
After my grandfather’s death, Gramma became even more involved with her church and eventually became a deaconess! For many years she helped lead a support group for those who had lost loved ones, something she could draw on her own experiences of her path to healing and let others know that it was possible to get through, no matter how dark it looked at the time.
So when I sat down to figure out what I wanted her photo to be like, I tried to distill Gramma’s essence into a single image. I saw her as a gentle leader, always leading by example, indescribably warm and accepting, looking for the best in people, and of course someone who is quite spiritual as well. It seemed like a shepherdess would be the best way to portray all of these qualities. I especially wanted to play up her radiating light in a world that is often dark, so I began to think of ways I could show that as well. A crown of light, I eventually decided, would be just perfect.
So, now to build a crown of light. After Googling a lot, I discovered electroluminescent (EL) wire! It’s wire that comes in a wide range of sizes and colors and every bit of it glows. It’s not just a string of LEDs in a plastic tube, this stuff actually produces solid light all on its own with a handy little battery pack. Perfect! I ordered some and eagerly waited for it to arrive.
I wanted to give it a little bit of an art nouveau flavor, since that’s one of my favorite visual styles. I started building a light wire frame, enforcing it as I went.
After I had the frame fairly sturdy, I started adding in nouveau-like swirls with the EL wire. You can see one of my Mucha books under the crown for inspiration as I went along.
Ok! It was a little rough, but the general shape was there and it definitely glowed!
At that point I strung along some very small, light, and also battery-powered LEDs, which I would encase in a small flower. You can see one here covered with a flower while the rest are bare.
The finished crown! I knew I’d be doing some adjusting of it once I actually saw it on Gramma’s head, so I didn’t worry about making it 100% perfect right then, but the bones were all laid. Now there was the problem of finding a lamb….
Google again came to my rescue by connecting me with Terry from Task Farms. Terry is just a sweetheart of a man. He runs the farm just out of the pure pleasure of it and has lots of sheep and goats. None of the animals end up on anyone’s dinner plate, which made it an even more perfect place to shoot! I ended up getting several photos taken that day, but you’ll hear more about the farm in detail when I get the rest of the images worked up. As it happened, he had an adorable and very silly little lamb named Too Cute who was just perfect. Task Farms is out near Palmdale, which is a bit of a drive from here, so Katie, Brooke, Meredith (who wanted to take behind-the-scenes photos) and I all drove out together. I had Katie put on the costume Gramma would be wearing, chose a neutral location and let Katie be Gramma’s stand-in.
Thanks to Meredith for coming along and taking great behind-the-scenes photos like these!
Once I had the photos of Too Cute, I set up a shoot with Gramma, which was delightful. She is a natural model, and I found out during this that she had been a live model for art classes while she was in college! What a fun fact to know about her 🙂
So what do these photos convey to me? They show my grandmother being the strong, gentle, and completely loving woman that she is. She is a ray of light in darkness, someone who always lifts you up, cares for you and supports you. She has been one of the most supportive people in my life when it comes to my art, always encouraging me and loving what I do… and I sincerely think it’s not just because she’s my grandmother and she has to like whatever I do, but because she genuinely believes in me and loves what I do.
So please meet my grandmother, Lucea, a truly wonderful and remarkable woman who I am so thankful to have in my life, and to have had the chance to photograph her!
Mythic Pictures 