Though I’m very happy calling myself a fine art, conceptual photographer, it’s fun now and then to stretch outside of your comfort zone. I would never consider myself a fashion or editorial photographer, but when I started working with Travis Weinand, he had a looked that just screamed “FASHION/EDITORIAL” to me, so I decided to give it a go.
And you know what? It was fun! It was nice to do something different, and something which didn’t require 20+ hours of editing for each image. As I made my editing selections, I just had a gut feeling that they should be black and white.
Travis is so easy to work with and friendly, despite how he can look quite intimidating at 6′ 5″, very muscular, an American Ninja Warrior alumni, and beautifully adorned with tattoos.
He does moody and deeply thoughtful looks well, but I was also pleased to have captured several shots with him being a bit more natural; an easy grin and laughing.
Here’s something I’ve never done before: create an image intending for it to be black and white! I have one other image that was converted for a magazine which required it to be black and white to print it. I LOVE me some color. I like using color strategically and thoughtfully. But something made me think about doing this most recent image in black and white and I loved the idea. It would be a bit of a challenge and a stretch for me and that’s a good thing.
This image came to be through two sources. One was a way to help me deal with the grief I was still feeling. The other was this astonishingly beautiful solo by Ricky Ubeda for the show So You Think You Can Dance, and the gorgeous music and poetic lyrics by David J. Roch.
Don’t lose your soul as your eyes roll shut Don’t worry, it will be over
You know what’s to come to not accept this Don’t lose your soul, you must fight for each breath Don’t go quietly
My soul has flown and I am what is left I am skin and bones
Who else can look exactly like a leaf being blown across the stage??
When I first watched this dance, it was on a day when I was heavily grieving and I started weeping uncontrollably as I watched it… and was still compelled to rewind the DVR and watch it over and over. I’ve probably seen it 20 times now in about a week. I immediately tracked the song down, downloaded it on Itunes and have been listening to it on repeat in the car since then.
I can’t quite verbalize what it is about this performance that moves me so much, which is part of why art exists; to give voice to that which we can’t say. Though it brought so many tears out of me, there was a hopeful, soothing quality to it within the darkness. And since I can’t tell you exactly how it makes me feel, the next best thing I could do was create a self portrait.
With Ricky’s evocative dance, David J. Roch’s sober lyrics and Andrew’s death rolling around inside my head, I shot a self portrait which was, as it usually is, very healing to do. I felt lighter after it.
The “I am skin and bones” refrain immediately made me think of black and white; the visual equivalent of being reduced to simple skin and bones. The door and handle are holding my body up, and my face is mostly in shadows to reflect both the dark lyrics and my dark emotional state.
I purposely left on my metal bracelet, which I wear every day. It was made by a lovely person on Etsy who will hammer whatever phrase you’d like onto your bracelet. Mine reads “That’s what heroes are for.” A daily reminder to be brave, to continue striving, to be ready to sacrifice for that which is important. And to me, it was vitally important to include it within this self portrait. Though its meaning will only be known to me and those reading this, it is a flash of hope and strength at a time when it was most needed.
And that is all I can verbalize about the meaning of this image. Editing in black and white definitely used different artistic muscles. I enjoyed the change of pace, but I don’t see myself becoming solely a black and white photographer; I love color too much.
I hope you enjoy this experiment down the black and white lane! And I also hope that you will vote for Ricky Ubeda in the upcoming weeks of So You Think You Can Dance; I already believe (and hope) he could win the whole contest! Thank you to Ricky and David J. Roch for providing the art that I needed just when I needed it. Full song lyrics are below the photo!
Skin and Bones
Skin and Bones – detail
Skin and bones, by David J Roch:
Don’t lose your soul as your eyes roll shut Don’t worry, it will be over Hold on though, you’re alone, I am there with you That much at least I can promise
You know what’s to come to not accept this Don’t lose your soul, you must fight for each breath Don’t go quietly
Don’t cry out for God Just breathe in and out Don’t cry out for God Just breathe in and out
We are but lambs to the slaughter now I have no fear of death itself So don’t try and save me and please, God, forsake me I’ll suffer alone, I just want to be left
My soul has flown and I am what is left I am skin and bones I am skin and bones I am skin and bones I am skin and bones I am skin and bones I am skin and bones I am skin and bones I am skin and bones I am skin and bones I am skin and bones I am skin and bones
