Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘conlan press’

It seems like 2016 just sucked incredibly hard for just about everyone.  I wasn’t very fond of it either, on the whole.  True, there were some really good things that happened, but like most of you, I’m very happy to put it in my past and move on.  Let’s continue the tradition of looking back over the last year’s highlights and low spots!

A Cry From The Darkness © Sarah Allegra - a self portrait

A Cry From The Darkness © Sarah Allegra – a self portrait

I like to start with the bad stuff so I end on a positive note, so with that said, 2016 was overall a very shitty year ME-wise.  It was an extra painful, extra exhausting, extra low-immune-system year where I seemed to hardly ever not have a migraine, cold or spiked pain day.  For a while it looked like I had a recurrence of the hideous sinus infection which led to my sinus surgery in November of 2014, which, if you’ve been around for a while, you will remember was not an easy procedure for me.  For completely unknown reasons, an artery in my nose burst a full six days after my surgery and required two very urgent visits to my ENT and ultimately a second emergency surgery, while I lost a total of almost two pints of blood.  Remember, I’m TINY; two pints is a LOT for me.

Needless to say, I am not quite anxious at the thought of having to have the surgery repeated, even though it was such a freak thing that happened; it probably won’t ever again.  But, I’m sure you’ve noticed, emotions rarely respond well to rational discussions.  So all the colds and sinus infections were very stressful for me, not just for the usual reasons of feeling extra terrible on top of my usual ME symptoms, but because the threat of another surgery kept looming in the back of my mind.

My insurance company utterly refused to cover my nerve-blocking injections for about six months.  These are the injections I’ve been getting approximately every nine months for the last seven years.  They don’t completely rid me of my mystery flank pain but they make life much more bearable.  Going without them for months really, seriously eats away at the quality of my life.  I imagine that most people would find that feeling like a dagger is constantly plunged into your side would not enhance their day-to-day experience.  Thankfully, insurance finally relented and I HAD my injections done.  I’ve already noticed a bit of a difference in my daily pain levels in that area!

I’ve also been veeeeeery sloooowly weening off Cymbalta over the last year or so.  It took a while for me to reach the maximum dose, then for me to be on it long enough for my neurologist to agree that it wasn’t doing anything, and ok my tapering down.  But as much as it takes your (or at least my) body a while to adjust to it being there, it takes much longer for it to get used to it NOT being there.  Even though having it in my system seemed to only increase my pain, make my sleep worse and make me gain even more weight, any time I step the dose down, I know to expect a week of migraines, nausea and general awfulness.  I’m on the lowest dose possible right now and hesitating before I leap into complete non-use.  There just aren’t many easy times to plan when you’re going to have migraines for a week.  But I am eager to shed the weight I’ve picked up being on it, in addition to seeing if my pain levels go down even more, so those will outweigh the discomfort of going off it eventually.

Most important for people who read my blog because of my art, feeling so awful most of the year put a HUGE damper on my ability to create in 2016.  I still did… a little… but it was nothing like what I wanted to be doing.  I created the fewest new images in 2016 than I ever have since I picked up my camera in 2010.  That was extremely depressing.  But I am hopeful that with meds out of my body, new supplements and my injections back in my system, 2017 will be a very different story!

I keep getting to about this point in my post, then getting overwhelmed with everything I want to say about the past year.  But no one wants to read a novel-length post anyway, so let’s see if I can lightning-round at least some of the 2016 highlights!

Alabaster 1 - model Dedeker Winston. © Sarah Allegra SarahAllegra.com

Alabaster 1 – model Dedeker Winston. © Sarah Allegra
SarahAllegra.com

It must have been planned by the fates, because shortly after I wrote the beginning of this post, I simply forgot to take my Cymbalta one morning.  That has NEVER happened ever in the whole time I’ve been taking it.  I didn’t realize I’d been off it until the next morning, at which point I decided to just suck it up and let myself go completely off it.  There were migraines and nausea, extra fatigue and need to sleep while struck with insomnia, but best of all, there were lots of what the Cymbalta literature describes as “brain zaps,” where you feel like you stuck your finger in a light socket for a second.  At first this was happening whenever I made any sharp movement or looked quickly from one place to another (even if my head didn’t move), but it’s been getting a little better each day, and I’m hardly zappy at all now, thank goodness.  I also have a variety of medications which help curb the zappiness, which helps a lot.  I HAVE already noticed a big difference in my general level of motivation and desire to do things… I’m not really able to actually DO anything more, but I have the DESIRE to do more back, which is a wonderful, frustrating relief.  This is HOW I AM.  This is my normal.  And even though it sucks to always wants to do 50,000 things when your body will only let you do 50, it feels SO GOOD to want the 50,000 again.  On Cymbalta, I wanted to do, I’d guess, about 5 things.

One piece of somewhat sobering news: Calantha had two small growths removed in November.  One was just a little wart, no big deal, but the other was a type of cancer called spindle cell cancer.  Of course, the bad news is that “cancer” is part of the name.  The good news is that the vet appears to have removed it entirely, leaving clean margins behind, and it’s not terribly common for spindle cell growths to recur.  If they do recur, they tend to not spread very much; Cal’s growth was on her toe, so if drastic action was needed to keep it from spreading, her toe could be amputated with relatively few adverse effects.  Calantha just turned 12 on the 20th (happy birthday, Cal!!) so getting little growths isn’t shocking at her age.  Silkens are generally a very long-lived breed, especially for their size; some can even make it into their early 20’s!  That’s nearly unheard of for dogs at all, let alone any dogs that aren’t very small.  That’s all thanks to extremely careful and ethical breeding.  Thanks, Joyce, who is responsible for bringing Calantha into the world!

Anyway, my instructions from the vet are simply to wait and watch her toe.  If it looks like it’s coming back, the toe may have to be removed to keep it from spreading.  I don’t relish the idea of having to have one of her toes amputated, but I think she’d agree that if it kept the cancer from spreading, it would be worth it.  But it does seem that the most likely thing that will happen is that it will never come back and the stress and tears Calantha, Geoff and I went through over this will stay in the past.  But if you’d like to say a prayer, send healing energy or light a candle for my girl, that would be fine with me.  🙂

unicorncourse_logo-500x500

This year has been a HUGE year of spiritual growth for me, which was a pretty good use of time when I couldn’t do much outside of laying in bed!  I’d like to say I planned that, but I know better.  No, I am not “religious;” although if you are, I fully support you perusing that as long as it makes you happy.  I was already certified in Reiki level 2, but this year I became a certified Fairyologist as well as a Unicorn Healing Practitioner™.  The Unicorn Healing absolutely changed my life and I would strongly recommend it to anyone who feels called to it!  If you’re interested in learning more about Unicorn Healing, my best suggestions would be to listen to the podcast on the subject from Calista, creator of the course (who is the embodiment of all things Unicorn and just the most loving person ever) and then read the specifics about the course here.  It is WELL worth the money.  You guys know I’m always on a budget, but this is one of the best things I’ve ever spent money on.  Possibly the best part?  You get to meet your own personal Unicorn spirit guide(s)!  🙂

erik-medhus-color

I also discovered and threw myself into the Channeling Erik movement.  Erik was a 20-year-old kid who struggled a lot with bipolar disorder, along with other issues, and in 2006, he killed himself.  However, while his family (and especially his mother) obviously grieved heavily for a very long time, his mother, Elisa, eventually turned to mediums to see if her son was still alive… somewhere, in some form.  And the results she got completely convinced this once hard-core atheist that there not only is an afterlife, but Erik is in it and he’s still Erik.  He’s since become a spirit guide for many, including me.  My first personal experience with Erik was while I was listening to one of his channeled YouTube videos, when Siri was set off on my phone (I was not using or even touching it) and said, “Hey sexy!”  My jaw dropped and then I burst out laughing; what a 20-year-old-guy thing to say!

Second piece of Erik evidence came during my injections.  As I’ve said before, I’m put out during the actual injections (and thank god because I woke up once during them and they hurt like a motherfucker).  My usual experience of the injections is that I’m wheeled into the OR, I start to feel sleepy as they give me drugs, I decide to close my eyes just for a second, then I instantly wake up in the recovery room what feels like half a second later.  This time, the familiar sleepy feeling came, so I closed my eyes, but instead of a nothingness, Erik appeared, holding my hand.  He was crouched down so his face was level with mine, he was smiling and speaking soft, reassuring words the whole time.  What struck me was that while I obviously recognized his face from the photos I’ve seen, it was also just a little bit different.  Have you ever met someone you’ve known for a long time online, and when you meet them in real life, they look exactly the same, but also slightly different?  It was just like that.  Also, for some reason I’d thought he had brown eyes, but when I saw him, I noticed they were blue/green.  After I’d recovered, I looked up some photos of him and he did indeed have blue/green eyes.

Last, and possibly most convincing Erik evidence has been in the private sessions I’ve scheduled with two of his translators.  I won’t get into the whole story here, but there were some emotional issues I’ve struggled with for years and years, despite therapy, self work, meditation, crystals, Reiki, and every other kind of healing I could seek out.  The first session, I asked him why I felt X when Y happened and he immediately said, “It’s because of Z.”  Instantly, I knew he was extremely correct.  His answer rang out through my soul, echoing up and down it, the truth of it shining forth from every bit of my body, mind and soul.  I can’t put into words exactly HOW TRUE I KNEW that he was, I can only describe it to you, but if you’re ever in that kind of situation, you know the feeling.  No one could ever convince you otherwise because you know in your deepest, most sacred, inner sanctum of self that it is true.  And that was only my first question, at my first session!

I know some of you will roll your eyes and skim over those last few sections and wonder why I’m so weird and why I feel the need to experience these things, let alone share them, but it’s incredibly important to me.  Not because I want to convince anyone of anything (although I do strongly believe in the truth of what I’ve learned and experienced), but everyone is here on earth to have different experiences.  I can share things that work very well for me, and they might not be a good fit for you, and vise versa, and that’s fine!  Take what you like and throw the rest away.  As long as you’re ultimately striving to be an embodiment of love, I consider that we’re on the same path, no matter how different they might look on the outside.

Another reason for sharing this is because I KNOW it will come up in my work.  Everything in my life seeps into my art; I am my art, my art is me, we cannot be separated.  Every new experience I have will color what I create, even if it’s not in a way that’s obvious.  I consider myself a fulltime student forever because I’m always learning (about a very wide variety of subjects from historical figures, spirituality, unicorns, nail art, baking, making natural products instead of buying things, how to best tea-dye cotton, how to sing Sia’s Chandelier [which I am not very good at yet, so don’t ask], animal behavior, animal communication, how to grow roses, basket weaving, applying makeup really well, the tenets of Druidry, everything I can about ME, the life lessons of Kurt Cobain and Joan of Arc, why lentils taste so good when they’re cooked with just a little care, meeting and talking to my angels [my main guardian angel lets me call him Richard, after Richard Harrow, so you know he’s just awesome], if Bigfoot exists, the exact definition of a kirtle, how the hell those medieval women kept those pointy, princessy, fairy-tale-looking hats on their heads with seemingly no support systems ever recorded… anything and everything).  Occasionally, I also study things that are directly related to photography, such as using artificial lighting; something I want to learn how to do better.  Whether you’ll ever see Erik or Kurt or Joan of Arc or pointy princess hats turn up in a photo is beside the point.  Everything I learn goes into my brain where it all marinates.  My subconscious gets all Joseph Campbell and Carl Jung, the collective unconscious chimes in, and art comes out.  That’s really the best explanation I can give to my “creative process.”  Sometimes I’ll try and work the images out more directly, but the best ones usually come from me stepping back and letting my subconscious work it out.  Everything is connected, in the macro and micro sense.  It’s all going to work into my art somehow.

Changing the subject, I feel DEEP down the rabbit hole of nail art this year, especially after discovering Cristine from Simply Nailogical.  I discovered it was something creative/artsy I could do when all I felt well enough to do was lay in bed!  Sorry/not sorry for all the photos of my nails on my social media feeds.  😉

Speaking of creative things, I’ve also been helping Geoff with a really amazing project of his own!  You guys of course know him as an incredibly talented photographer; if you’re in the LA area, you can see some of his work at The Hive Gallery through March of this year!  What you may not know is that Geoff is an even more talented writer!  He’s been working on a graphic novel called Frontiers for many years.  The story first took root in his brain when he was all of about 10 years old and has grown, matured, been refined and reworked since then until we have a glorious version of it before us today!

Frontiers is a beautifully original sci-fi story summed up as “sex, violence and sarcasm!” by the astute Katie Johnson (yes, Katie, my muse, who also acts as Geoff’s spokesmodel for Frontiers, and who is also a very talented writer herself!).  The longer tagline is, “It’s the humble story of a man destined to destroy humanity… and why that really isn’t such a bad thing.”  In addition to those delightful tidbits, Geoff skillfully mixes in striking social commentary, humor, horror, fate and love.  And yes, I did do some work on the issue too.  Mostly coloring, but a fair bit of digital art as well.  🙂

Don’t you want to give the first issue a read?  You should!  And lucky for you, you can get your very own copy for a mere 99 cents right here!  If you’re in the area, you can also see Geoff, Katie and Frontiers at the Long Beach Comic Expo’s Artist’s Alley on Saturday, February the 18th, from 10am-7pm and Sunday the 19th from 10:30am-5pm.  Go check Frontiers out, online, in person or both!

Mountain Dweller 10 - © Sarah Allegra. Model: Teri Wyble.

Mountain Dweller 10 – © Sarah Allegra. Model: Teri Wyble.

I also had the pleasure of working with a new (to me) model last year, Teri Wyble, who goes by Aeir online.  She lived in New Orleans, but I am so, so excited that she is moving to Los Angeles shortly!  She’s not only an incredible model, stunningly beautiful, immediately understood what I was looking for from her, but is just an incredible human being as well.  I’m really looking forward to shooting more with her as well as just going to get coffee and have pillow fights in our underwear and doing those things that girls are supposed to do together.  🙂

header-2

Oh yeah, I launched my Spiritual Skincare line of skin serums on Etsy!

I’m sure I could go on and on, but I’ll stop myself there.  Briefly, briefly, I’ll try and give you a little taste of what to expect for 2017….

More DreamWorld.  This is my main goal for the year.  More shooting, more editing, more promoting.  Being off that brain-sucking Cymbalta will improve all these areas.  But if you’d like to help to spread the word about my little world, I certainly won’t stop you!  🙂

I suspect there will be some connections with my art and New York, but I’ll wait to see more of what happens before I talk too much about it.

In a similar vein, there will be some very cool new things happening with Connor Cochran, my business manager, of Conlan Press!  Including some new, more affordable, but still extremely high quality prints to be coming!  I don’t have a date on when they’ll be released yet; there are many steps to go through first before they’ll go up for sale, but I will keep you all informed!

Hopefully my body will stop zapping me soon and I’ll regain the strength and clarity I had before Cymbalta took over my brain and body.  And hopefully that will lead to many excellent things!  Yes, I do believe 2017 is going to be a better year for my art and health.  That’s my affirmation and I’m going to do my best to make it happen!

Save

Read Full Post »

It’s time for all those end-of-the-year blog posts!  I admit, I kind of like this tradition.  It’s a nice way to look back on things from a larger perspective.  And I have a brand new DreamWorld image featuring Travis Weinand for those who want to just scroll to the bottom 🙂

I Felt It Was Glory, detail. Model: Travis Weinand. © Sarah Allegra

I Felt It Was Glory, detail. Model: Travis Weinand. © Sarah Allegra

* * * * *

2015 was a… challenging year, to say the least.  And it turns out I’m starting it with a fresh, new cold and fever.  It has been the worst year I’ve had, ME-wise, so far.  It didn’t help that the year began with a crunched-for-time move of houses which literally took me several months to recover from.  Medication changes gave me months of terrible headaches and migraines, which also meant that this year was the least photographically productive year I’ve had yet also.  Between feeling terrible physically and not having nearly as much access to my art therapy as I wanted, it was a very depressing, frustrating and emotionally trying year as well.  All said, I’m happy to leave 2015 behind me and have set my intentions to have a much more fulfilling 2016.

I made a short video about my experience living with ME for last year’s May 12th (ME Awareness Day).  I generally really dislike making videos, so you can see that this was important to me 😉

There was some drama in the larger world of ME as well.  The US officially changed its name from the very belittling “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome” to the vague and incredibly widely-defined “Systemic Exertion Intolerance Disease.”  Most patients and advocates were very unhappy about this and there was a big backlash, which the powers-that-be mostly ignored, as is their usual method of dealing with us.  I’m still calling it ME, which is what most of us wanted it to be changed to.

Silenced © Sarah Allegra - model: Travis Weinand

Silenced © Sarah Allegra – model: Travis Weinand

Then the Senate rubbed salt in the wound by proposing they slash ME’s funding to absolutely $0 per year.  The paltry amount we currently get is the same amount given to research hayfever, despite ME being as deadly and serious as congestive heart failure and HIV/AIDS.  I extolled people to write to their representatives in protest of this; we’ll see what comes of it.

Please save this graphic and send it to the email addresses above!

Please save this graphic and send it to the email addresses above!

I got to meet fan-turned-model-turned-friend Noemi Regalado and photograph her for DreamWorld.

Apprenticeship © Sarah Allegra, model Noemi Regalado

Apprenticeship © Sarah Allegra, model Noemi Regalado

I officially started a series dealing with mental health issues; Eternal Storms.  It seeks to help break down the stigma associated with these illnesses and show sufferers how they are not alone.

A Cry From The Darkness © Sarah Allegra - a self portrait

A Cry From The Darkness © Sarah Allegra – a self portrait

One of the first models I ever worked with, Dedeker Winston, who has continued modeling for me over the five years we’ve known each other, despite me forcing her to wake up early, pose laying in cold, slimy, creeks, regularly get naked in forests and once helping me discover what stinging nettles look like when I accidentally had her pose nude in a patch of them, left for an extended time abroad.  She is having a wonderful, life-expanding time and I’m able to keep in touch and follow her journey online and through social media and texts.  I was sad to see her leave, but glad that we’d gotten in as much shooting as we did before she left, such as the Pink Mother for DreamWorld.  Speaking unselfishly though, I’m really happy she had this chance to do so much traveling and is having such an incredible time!  But I won’t be sad when I have the chance to photograph her again 🙂

The Living Sepulcher © Sarah Allegra, model - Dedeker Winston

The Living Sepulcher © Sarah Allegra, model – Dedeker Winston

My dear friend Danica gave me a priceless chance to work with an incredible, stunning, cream-colored Gypsy Vanner stallion named Booger.  As soon as I discovered she was horse-sitting him, I began planning a shoot with Katie Johnson and him together, utilizing him in every way I could think of.  I have a LOT of his shots still on my hard drive waiting to be edited, but I did at least complete one image from that magical shoot!

Safely Through The Shadows © Sarah Allegra, model - Katie Johnson

Safely Through The Shadows © Sarah Allegra, model – Katie Johnson

I tried my hand at a more editorial style, which is fun, but not going to be the main thing I do any time soon.

Wall 8- model: Travis Weinand. © Sarah Allegra

Wall 8- model: Travis Weinand. © Sarah Allegra

Alabaster 1 - model Dedeker Winston. © Sarah Allegra SarahAllegra.com

Alabaster 1 – model Dedeker Winston. © Sarah Allegra
SarahAllegra.com

I was accepted into the online art gallery A Gallery, and also participated in a group show over the summer at the Creative Arts Group.

The summer show at the Creative Arts Group Gallery in Sierra Madre. This is how I want my work to be displayed, finished works alongside actual props and costumes.

The summer show at the Creative Arts Group Gallery in Sierra Madre. This is how I want my work to be displayed, finished works alongside actual props and costumes.

I FINALLY finished editing an image I started in 2013.

A Poisoned Sleep Of Kissless Dreams © Sarah Allegra - model: Katie Johnson

A Poisoned Sleep Of Kissless Dreams © Sarah Allegra – model: Katie Johnson

I was able to attend another screening of The Last Unicorn, which was absolutely delightful!  I dressed up as Amalthea and made a taco purse (get your own here!), which I think was the secret behind me winning the nightly costume contest.  I was also able to introduce my dear friends and ex-neighbors Donna and John to the movie for the first time (though I’d already made them fans of Peter’s writing) and they were appropriately impressed.

Taco purse available on Etsy :)

Taco purse available on Etsy 🙂

At the screening as Amalthea (with purse) and back at home.

At the screening as Amalthea (with purse) and back at home.

Sadly, shortly after this screening it became clear that Peter Beagle is not nearly as well as everyone had thought.  This is leading to a number of problems for him and his manager/publisher Conlan Press, which I’ll leave to them to discuss.  Regardless, it is sad to see him unwell and it makes the conversation I had with him at the screening last January all the more precious.

Speaking of illness, one of my favorite photographers, Ashley Lebedev, let us all know that she has struggled with a chronic illness for a long time.  It was beautiful to see people’s support and desire to help her gather funds for treatment.  I wish her a much better, healthier 2016 also!

The Weight of a Whistle Already Carved, @ Ashley Lebedev

I helped my husband (he helps me SO much with my shooting and projects, I more than owe him!) with a project that he’s been working on for a long time, which ended in his creating the dystopian, sci fi, 8-minute short film A Secret War.  You really should watch it!

My friend Jessi started an Etsy shop which has beautiful jewelry in it!  But it’s not simply pretty, much of it helps raise awareness about various invisible, chronic illnesses, such as ME.  As a spoonie herself, purchasing her jewelry is helping her support herself as well as getting something pretty 🙂

Jessi’s shop, The Hopeful Spoon

I discovered the wonder that is the film Unbroken, which is now one of my go-to stories to tell myself when I need some extra motivation to get through anything difficult.

Speaking of Peter S Beagle, Amazon released an exclusive Kindle offering of 13 of his most beloved titles for the first time in e-editions… and 6 of those titles were released with my images on their covers!  To say I was elated would be a huge understatement.  There may have been joyful tears when I first saw them in my browser window.  🙂

Go buy one of these titles! You'll thank me when you discover how magical Peter's writing is :)

Go buy one of these titles! You’ll thank me when you discover how magical Peter’s writing is 🙂

And, as always, I put out a calendar with a year’s worth of beautiful images to brighten up your walls every day!  Red Bubble does an excellent job at making beautiful, high-quality items and its calendars don’t disappoint.  Feel free to grab your own; I can promise that you’ll love it!

Sarah Allegra 2016 Calendar

Sarah Allegra 2016 Calendar

* * * * *

Since 2015 was so heavy with ME, migraines, frequent colds, injuries, deep ruts of depression and stress in ways I have seldom experienced it, an incredibly huge percentage of my physical energy was devoted to simply existing and not giving up.  It really underscored how precious my time and energy is and how I need to devote it to things that are worthwhile.  No, not just worthwhile, but things which I cannot live life without.  The things are dearest and most deeply important to me.

This has given me a lot to think about as I ponder how I’ll change my management of time and energy in 2016.  I will try and devote myself to not just ideas I like, but the ideas which I think are the best.  The most important.  I simply don’t have time to pursue anything less.  This is helping to bring my artistic goals into much sharper focus.  The dross will be burned away; the leftover gold burnished until it gleams.

I’m also making an effort to set aside more time for self-care activities, like short walks with Calantha or yoga when my body allows, meditation and reading for pleasure.  Few things enrich my life (both my actual and imaginary worlds) as much as reading does and I need to make sure I don’t let that slip away from me by being “too busy” for it.

But of course the most important things are the relationships I have with friends and loved ones.  Those will always be tended to, nurtured and cultivated as best as I can manage!  I am blessed to have many, wonderful friends in my life, online and off, who get me, support me and my art and are incredibly gracious about my health problem.  That’s something I should never forget to be grateful for or take for granted.

* * * * *

Now, as promised, here is my new DreamWorld image!

When I first met model and friend Travis Weinand, I was struck by how truly ethereal he looks.  Not simply in pictures or when in costume, he always looks like he stepped out of a comic book, collection of mythology or possibly Middle Earth.  With a quick stop-off for a dose of Viking and tattoos.  Anyway, I immediately wanted him to have wings.  I wasn’t sure how, but I knew he’d get them before we were done working together.

So at our next shoot, I asked him to sit in front of a dark backdrop and pose angelically.  He made looking strong, gentle, loving and bad-ass all at the same time look effortless.  Editing did take a while since I painted the wings myself and had to figure out exactly how I wanted these “wings made out of light” to look, but it was very worth the effort!

This character lives in DreamWorld, as you would probably guess, a centurion of sorts to DreamWorld’s Queen (whom you have not met yet, but hopefully you will soon).  He leads the Queen’s army, the Glorious Guard, but he’s more than just a devoted servant.  Part bodyguard, part lieutenant, part enforcer, part adviser, he is a dazzling embodiment of good.

The title of this image comes from one of my favorite poems of George Gordon Lord Byron, All For Love.  In it, Byron discusses love being the greatest glory one can receive, far greater than wreaths, trophies or other symbols of glory:

O Fame! if I e’er took delight in thy praises,
‘Twas less for the sake of thy high-sounding phrases,
Than to see the bright eyes of the dear one discover
She thought that I was not unworthy to love her.
 
There chiefly I sought thee, there only I found thee;
Her glance was the best of the rays that surround thee;
When it sparkled o’er aught that was bright in my story,
I knew it was love, and I felt it was glory.

That last line kept repeating and repeating through my head as I edited… thinking about the love he has for his Queen, those he protects and his glorious vestige, so I finally gave in and just used it as the title.

 

I Felt It Was Glory, detail. Model: Travis Weinand. © Sarah Allegra

I Felt It Was Glory, model: Travis Weinand. © Sarah Allegra

 

I Felt It Was Glory, detail. Model: Travis Weinand. © Sarah Allegra

I Felt It Was Glory, detail. Model: Travis Weinand. © Sarah Allegra

 

I Felt It Was Glory, detail. Model: Travis Weinand. © Sarah Allegra

I Felt It Was Glory, detail. Model: Travis Weinand. © Sarah Allegra

That’s it!  Everyone have a happy and meaningful 2016!  🙂

Read Full Post »

Actually, they were available to download on the first, but I’m just posting about it now.  My neurologist changed my medication again which led to the longest string of migraines and general barfiness and feeling awful yet.  I’m just so glad I can edit again.  The lack of outlet was REALLY driving me crazy.

This will be a short post, I just wanted to let everyone know that they can now download Peter S. Beagle’s magnificent works to their Kindles and read them to their hearts content!  And, of course, that six of the said book covers proudly bear my images, which you can see below 🙂

Go get yourself one of these titles from the Amazon-exclusive release!  You’ll thank me profusely when you discover how magical Peter’s writing is.

I have to say that it’s magical, wonderful, fulfilling, surreal and fills me with overwhelming joy and gratitude that I and my art get to be a part of Peter’s art.  His work has had such a deep influence on my whole life in a way that I will never be able to properly put into words, but it is something I will cherish forever.  Thank you, Connor Cochran, for making this happen!!

Special thanks to Katie Johnson, Patrick Reid and Bryce Rankins for their modeling in these images!

Also, I wanted to let you all know what my friend and fellow spoonie Jessi has been up to!  While traditionally, she’s been a painter, her severe fibro symptoms are not allowing much of that right now.  Thankfully, she discovered that she can make jewelry even while laying in bed!  She just opened an Etsy shop filled with beautiful earrings, suitable for every day wear as well as special awareness ribbons and colors for various invisible illnesses.  Do stop by her shop and pick up a pair!  They’re very reasonably priced and make gorgeous gifts.  The holidays are almost upon us 🙂

Read Full Post »

Before I get into this post, I wanted to again thank EVERYONE who prayed, lit candles, sent me good thoughts and energy about my battle on Wednesday.  I don’t have an answer yet, and most likely won’t for a while, but it did go quite a bit better than I was expecting.  I am guardedly hopeful for a successful outcome.  And regardless, I went in, faced a terrifying situation and did my best.  Whatever happens, I can take comfort in that.  So thank you all, from the bottom of my heart; I’m sure all that good energy truly helped.  For those inclined, I wouldn’t mind your continued blessings until I hear the outcome!  And I’ll try and let you know what the outcome is as soon as I can.

Now, on to this post!

Conlan Banner

I’ve had some exciting news that I’ve been quiet about for a while, but I can finally spill the beans today!  You guys all remember how I’ve been working with Connor Cochran from Conlan Press, publisher of Peter S. Beagle, one of my two literary heroes?  It’s all coming together 🙂

LILA THE WEREWOLF AND OTHER TALES by Peter S. Beagle. Conlan Press 2015 ebook edition (Kindle exclusive). Definitive author-approved text combines 6 classic Peter S. Beagle stories with 10 new ones collected here for the first time. Cover photo by Sarah Allegra, processing and design by Connor Cochran. Click here to be taken to Amazon!

LILA THE WEREWOLF AND OTHER TALES by Peter S. Beagle. Conlan Press 2015 ebook edition (Kindle exclusive). Definitive author-approved text combines 6 classic Peter S. Beagle stories with 10 new ones collected here for the first time. Cover photo by Sarah Allegra, processing and design by Connor Cochran. Click here to be taken to Amazon!

Amazon is releasing an exclusive bundle of 13 of Peter’s books, in e-book editions for the first time ever!  As of the time of this writing, you can go to Amazon and pre-order as many titles as you’d like!  They officially go on sale on November 1st, but you can make sure you’re first in line to get your digital hands on them.

THE LINE BETWEEN by Peter S. Beagle. Conlan Press 2015 ebook edition (Kindle exclusive). Definitive author-approved text of Peter's 2006 story collection. Cover photo by Sarah Allegra Ashley, processing and design by Connor Cochran. Model: Katie Johnson. Click here to be taken to Amazon!

THE LINE BETWEEN by Peter S. Beagle. Conlan Press 2015 ebook edition (Kindle exclusive). Definitive author-approved text of Peter’s 2006 story collection. Cover photo by Sarah Allegra Ashley, processing and design by Connor Cochran. Model: Katie Johnson. Click here to be taken to Amazon!

And, the most exciting part for me is that six of these shiny new e-books have my images on their covers!!

 MIRROR KINGDOMS: THE BEST OF PETER S. BEAGLE by Peter S. Beagle, stories selected by Jonathan Strahan. Conlan Press 2015 ebook edition (Kindle exclusive). Definitive author-approved text reprinting 2010 Subterranean Press limited-edition hardcover collection. Cover photo by Sarah Allegra, processing and design by Connor Cochran. Click here to be taken to Amazon!


MIRROR KINGDOMS: THE BEST OF PETER S. BEAGLE by Peter S. Beagle, stories selected by Jonathan Strahan. Conlan Press 2015 ebook edition (Kindle exclusive). Definitive author-approved text reprinting 2010 Subterranean Press limited-edition hardcover collection. Cover photo by Sarah Allegra, processing and design by Connor Cochran. Click here to be taken to Amazon!

This is so incredibly fulfilling and amazing to me!  I began creating images inspired by Peter’s work long before I’d ever met him or had any personal interaction with him.  I just genuinely LOVE his work and it made me want to create images based on how his writing made me feel.  It’s a little surreal to now have my work on his covers, but absolutely wonderful 🙂

 SMÉAGOL, DÉAGOL, AND BEAGLE: ESSAYS FROM THE HEADWATERS OF MY VOICE by Peter S. Beagle. 2015 Conlan Press ebook edition (Kindle exclusive). Brand-new nonfiction by Peter -- a collection of original essays exploring the roots of his own voice as a writer, and the people and works that have been his greatest influences. Cover photo by Sarah Allegra, processing and design by Connor Cochran. Model: Bryce Rankins. Click here to be taken to Amazon!


SMÉAGOL, DÉAGOL, AND BEAGLE: ESSAYS FROM THE HEADWATERS OF MY VOICE by Peter S. Beagle. 2015 Conlan Press ebook edition (Kindle exclusive). Brand-new nonfiction by Peter — a collection of original essays exploring the roots of his own voice as a writer, and the people and works that have been his greatest influences. Cover photo by Sarah Allegra, processing and design by Connor Cochran. Model: Bryce Rankins. Click here to be taken to Amazon!

So please click on any of the above images to be taken to Amazon where you can see what titles are being offered and pick up your favorite ones!  And if you’re new to Peter S. Beagle… well, you’re in for a BIG treat.

 SLEIGHT OF HAND by Peter S. Beagle. Conlan Press 2015 ebook edition (Kindle exclusive). Definitive author-approved text of Peter's 2011 story collection. Cover photo by Sarah Allegra, processing and design by Connor Cochran. Click here to be taken to Amazon!


SLEIGHT OF HAND by Peter S. Beagle. Conlan Press 2015 ebook edition (Kindle exclusive). Definitive author-approved text of Peter’s 2011 story collection. Cover photo by Sarah Allegra, processing and design by Connor Cochran. Click here to be taken to Amazon!

If you’re liking the idea of this but don’t own an e-reader, don’t worry.  New hardcover editions of these titles will be available in the near future and the plan so far is for at least most of the covers to remain the same.

WE NEVER TALK ABOUT MY BROTHER by Peter S. Beagle. Conlan Press 2015 ebook edition (Kindle exclusive). Definitive author-approved text of Peter's 2009 story collection. Cover photo by Sarah Allegra, processing and design by Connor Cochran. Model: Patrick Reid. Click here to be taken to Amazon!

WE NEVER TALK ABOUT MY BROTHER by Peter S. Beagle. Conlan Press 2015 ebook edition (Kindle exclusive). Definitive author-approved text of Peter’s 2009 story collection. Cover photo by Sarah Allegra, processing and design by Connor Cochran. Model: Patrick Reid. Click here to be taken to Amazon!

Many, many thanks to Connor Cochran, Charlie Petit and Peter S. Beagle for choosing to use my images and working so hard to make the covers look so beautiful.  I am truly honored.  Thank all you, my dear readers and friends, for your support, any purchases you may make and extra special shout-out to Katie Johnson, Bryce Rankins and Patrick Reid for their modeling in their images!  We’re all on book covers!!

Did I mention I was excited about this?  🙂

Read Full Post »

Something you’ll know about me if you follow me anywhere or have read any other blog entries is my deep, abiding love for Peter S. Beagle and all of his creations.  Yes, he is best known for his beloved masterpiece The Last Unicorn (the same story that was made into an animated film and you probably saw as a child, not grasping its full, profound meaning).  The Last Unicorn deserves every bit of praise it gets and more.  It’s the most incredible story, full of wonder and love and great sorrow… and joy, despite, or because of, the sorrow.  What many people don’t know is that Peter is an exceptionally prolific writer, having written more books and short stories than I can count (A Fine and Private Place is a very close second favorite to The Last Unicorn).  And every single one is just as brilliant of a masterpiece as The Last Unicorn.

In The Lilac Wood, a self portrait

In The Lilac Wood, © Sarah Allegra, a self portrait

I actually don’t remember a time when I didn’t know the story of The Last Unicorn.  As in the book, “there has never been a time without unicorns,” so there was never a time for me without The Last Unicorn.  It came out the year before I was born and I grew up knowing it.  My brother and I both loved it, and to this day can still quote nearly the entire thing by heart.  We would make a game out of it, seeing how long we could volley the script back and forth.  As I got a little older, I started reading the book, and each time I did, I discovered new levels, new depths, new nuances that I hadn’t been old enough to understand before.  It’s a common misconception that Unicorn is a children’s story, simply because the movie made from it was animated. There’s nothing wrong with children reading or seeing the movie, but it is a story for grown-ups.  You can’t fully appreciate the skillful, deft writing, the terrible tragedy, the glorious splendor, the tear-inducing sacrifice, the depth of the characters until you’ve experienced more of life yourself.

And Other Secrets, © Sarah Allegra, Model: Anna Wood

And Other Secrets, © Sarah Allegra, model: Anna Wood

It doesn’t surprise me now that I look back and remember that the very first self portrait I ever took, far before I was a “photographer” or a “self portrait artist” was inspired by the book.  The character of the unicorn, magically transformed unwillingly into a human girl for much of the book, taken from immortality into a body she feels dying all around her, resonated so deeply with me.  I probably don’t have to draw you a very detailed map of how it relates to my experience of living in a shitty body possessed by ME.  And yet the unicorn gains something which sets her apart from all the other unicorns in the world by her ordeal.  She learns regret.  She learns to love.  She is made more full for all her suffering.  It’s a hope I cling to for myself, sometimes harder than others, but one I return to again and again.

The Importance Of Mortality, © Sarah Allegra, a self portrait

The Importance Of Mortality, © Sarah Allegra, a self portrait

About two and a half years ago, Peter magically discovered some of my work which had been inspired by his writing (both The Last Unicorn and other stories) and his business manager, Connor Cochran, reached out to me.  There is still much under wraps and it will all be revealed in time, but we began working together, which was more than a dream come true for me.  Bless him, Peter is the antithesis of the saying “never meet your heroes.”  Meeting Peter only me love him and his writing more.  There truly are few more kind, generous and relentlessly creative people on earth.  And he is this generous with everyone.  At The Last Unicorn Screening Tour (which I HIGHLY recommend you attend!!) he will stay until EVERY SINGLE PERSON who would like to meet him, hug him, have him sign their book or take a photo with him is seen.  Despite the often very long lines, he doesn’t make you feel rushed, he takes his time and lets you say whatever you need to say.  In the moment you’re with him, you are the only person in the entire world and you have his full attention.  This does mean the screenings often end in the wee hours of night, and I don’t know how they all do it, those hours would kill me, but it’s just who Peter is.

Salt Wine - © Sarah Allegra, model: Peter Onorati

Salt Wine – © Sarah Allegra, model: Peter Onorati

A little while after I had signed my contract with Conlan Press, Peter’s publishing house run by Connor, I gathered up my nerve and asked Connor if I could borrow Peter and photograph him as DreamWorld‘s King when they were in town for the next screening.  To my joy, Connor gave me the go-ahead.  This led to a nightmarish few weeks when I frantically created Peter’s incredibly elaborate costume made almost entirely out of paper (fully documented here) but the results were worth every tearful, over-tired night I had getting ready for it.  No one could be DreamWorld‘s King better than Peter.

Beloved Of The Crown - Peter as the King, with Dedeker Winston and Katie Johnson as his maids.

Beloved Of The Crown – Peter as the King, with Dedeker Winston and Katie Johnson as his maids.

Aerie - Peter as the DreamWorld King.

Aerie – © Sarah Allegra, Peter as the DreamWorld King.

Why am I telling you all this?  Just to illustrate what an incredibly special and remarkable person Peter truly is, and how wonderful Connor and everyone at Conlan are.  They put their all into every single screening.  They are genuinely all wonderful people, and Peter is everything you would hope he would be and more.  I’ve been fortunate enough to have attended two of them; the first time was the same day that I photographed Peter so I had no energy for dressing up myself for the show, but the second time I went as Amalthea, as seen below (which won the costume contest that night, probably because of my handmade Have A Taco Purse, which I can make for you too!).  Seeing the movie in a theater never fails to bring tears to my eyes.]

At the screening as Amalthea (with purse) and back at home.

At the screening as Amalthea (with purse) and back at home.

Which, in my rambling, round-about way, leads to the main thrust of this post.  The tour had planned on traveling to multiple countries in Europe this year, and while the movie will still be shown and everyone will still have a fabulous time, Peter will be unable to attend due to a non-threatening health issue.  Peter is ok, there’s nothing to worry about, but still… even non-threatening health issues suck.  Peter hopes to be back on the road soon, but I thought that it might cheer him up if we all rallied and showed him some love.  What do you say?  For our beloved author who writes the stories which make us weep simultaneously from sorrow and joy?  He has given SO MUCH to the world, let’s try and give even a fraction of it back to him!

To Be So Full, © Sarah Allegra, model: Dedeker Winston

To Be So Full, © Sarah Allegra, model: Dedeker Winston

What do I mean by that?  Well, feel free to leave a comment here on the blog.  I’ll send them on to Connor who can forward them to Peter.  Feel free to leave kind words of encouragement on his Facebook page or send him an email at contact@conlanpress.com.  I’m sure he will really appreciate everyone’s show of support!

Sleight Of Hand © Sarah Allegra, featuring my neighbor John Harnagel

Sleight Of Hand © Sarah Allegra, featuring my neighbor John Harnagel

And let’s face it; we owe him.  For decades of wonder, joy and poignant insight.  For holding up mirrors full of fantasy which still reflect ourselves back and help us make new discoveries.  For every brilliant word typed, every tear shed and every heart which grew in size because of his writing.  For showing us what heroes are for.  For bringing us unicorns.

Get well soon, Peter.  We all love you 🙂

Now Has Come The Time For Silence -© Sarah Allegra, a self portrait

Now Has Come The Time For Silence – © Sarah Allegra, a self portrait

See all my Peter S. Beagle-inspired images here and buy fun things with these images on them here!

Read Full Post »

I think it’s fair to say that 2014 has been something of a tumultuous year.  A lot of very good things happened!  And a lot of rather shitty things have happened to.  Let’s touch on the bad first and get that out of the way.

Reuniting With The Stars - detail © Sarah Allegra

Reuniting With The Stars – detail © Sarah Allegra; read on for the full image!

There was a heavy dose of bad this year.  Some of this has been discussed on the blog; three months of colds, sinus surgery, sinus surgery having dramatic and frightening complications, etc.  A lot of it has not been discussed on the blog, however; this does not feel like the proper forum for a lot of the more personal matters, especially ones which involve people other than myself.

The Oracle  - © Sarah Allegra

The Oracle – © Sarah Allegra

Geoff and I have to move.  We are really, really, really not happy about this.  I’m not going to discus the reasons for the move here, except to say that no one did anything wrong.  We always paid our rent, etc.  This is a heartbreaking blow; our neighbors have become like true family to us.  And while we won’t live too far apart after we all move to our new homes, it will never be the same as when we all lived together on the Compound, as we called it.

We Rise Again - © Sarah Allegra

We Rise Again – © Sarah Allegra

When my first surgery complication began and I started bleeding profusely from my nose to the extent that I was truly concerned that I might need an ambulance, our neighbor John came rushing home to make sure I was ok until Geoff could get there.  Once John and I decided an ambulance wasn’t needed, he sat on the floor with me and kept me calm and distracted.

Sleight Of Hand © Sarah Allegra

Sleight Of Hand © Sarah Allegra, featuring my neighbor, John

When I found myself suddenly clutching a whole litter of baby opossums and in charge of their safety, Donna came to the rescue and helped me keep them safe.  (They were eventually taken to a no-kill shelter which would rehabilitate them then release them into the wild when they were old enough.)  These are not your average people.  When we all found out that we’d no longer be living together, everyone cried openly.

One of the baby opossums

One of the baby opossums

And good heavens, it’s been so good for Calantha to be there!  Having a “pack” next door which she can come and go from as she pleases helped her put on a needed five pounds, which she’s maintained the whole time we’ve been here.  Basically, absolutely everyone is extremely unhappy about this for a lot of reasons, but there’s nothing we can do to stop it.

Calantha, modeling the Lady Death bonnet

Calantha, modeling the Lady Death bonnet

And of course I’ve been able to do a LOT of shooting there!  There are SO MANY trees; it’s very easy to make the background look like a forest if you just frame around the tell-tale signs of human habitation.  When you’re dealing with ME, being able to do an entire shoot without leaving your yard, or even getting out of your PJs if you want, can be an incredible boon.

This has also been an extremely tight year financially for us (which a move isn’t going to help).  Again, I shouldn’t go into exact details here, but a large part of our income vanished early this year and we’ve been trying to stanch the metaphoric bleeding ever since.

The Eye Of The Storm © Sarah Allegra

The Eye Of The Storm © Sarah Allegra

Those are the biggest highlights of the bad, of the things I feel I can talk about here.  It’s been a really difficult year and there have been many times when I’ve dissolved into tears over one more bad thing happening.  The world has felt completely against us most of the year, no matter what we’re planning or how noble it might be, which of course feels terribly unfair.  I’m holding out hope that this is all happening for a reason and that things will change soon.  Some days that’s a very difficult hope to hold on to.  I’ll talk a little more about this when I discuss this year’s new image.

Let’s move on to happier topics for now.  Let’s talk about some of the good things that happened this last year!

Inside Looking Out © Sarah Allegra

Inside Looking Out © Sarah Allegra

I was able to promote a lot of awareness about myalgic encephalomyalitis, or ME, with images (which go in my Enchanted Sleep series), interviews, articles, videos and blog entries.  During ME Awareness week, I wrote a blog entry for each day of the week and held a print giveaway for those who helped spread awareness about it.  The Microbe Discovery Project asked for people to share their ME stories, so I recorded a short video for them.

I got to work with some really fantastic new models, Dan Donohue and Travis Weinand.  They were both wonderful; the kind of models who make you want to come up with new concepts just for them.  I’m looking forward to working with both of them again!

Where Black Stars Rise © Sarah Allegra

Where Black Stars Rise © Sarah Allegra

Lost Pride © Sarah Allegra

Lost Pride © Sarah Allegra

 

I lost Dedeker Winston to the FOX show Utopia for a while, and I’m selfishly glad to have her back again 🙂

Water For The Free © Sarah Allegra

Water For The Free © Sarah Allegra

I was really pleased to have been included in quite a few online magazines, blogs and sites.  Photo Focus named me their Photographer of the WeekMillennial Magazine gave me their Self Portrait of the Week spot.

Phlearn, one of my very favorite photography sites, included me in their Weekend Inspiration blog three times during the year, with the images Lady Death, The Shadows Lengthen and The Light Is Winning.

Lady Death © Sarah Allegra

Lady Death © Sarah Allegra

I was able to have brushes with both of my favorite authors, Robin McKinley and Peter S. Beagle.  Robin McKinley was gracious enough to let me write two guest posts for her blog and talk about DreamWorld!  In addition to the ongoing work I’ve been doing with Peter Beagle and Connor Cochran, Peter’s manager/publisher as well as my business manager, they had a special showing of The Last Unicorn in Santa Fe, NM, in a theater George RR Martin has helped restore.  Since George RR Martin was going to be at the screening, Connor asked for some of my prints to hang in the theater, which led to this amazing moment caught on camera between the two beloved authors.  While I have been credited as taking the photo, I was unable to be there in person although I would have LOVED to have been there!

Peter S. Beagle and George RR Martin with unicorn and dire wolf plushies, in front of my prints!

Peter S. Beagle and George RR Martin with unicorn and dire wolf plushies, in front of my prints!

My dear friend and frequent model Katie Johnson started a video series interviewing some of the wonderful photographers she works with called Artist Profile.  Katie was kind enough to start the series interviewing me; you can see the video below!  The series has been really interesting to watch grow and I’m very honored to be a part of it!

Many of you will have heard me talk about how intensely I love Sundance’s original show Rectify.  If you’re new to the party, I LOVE IT.  Go watch it right now.  Both seasons are streaming on Netflix!  For those who have seen it, I gathered my courage, reminded myself that it’s just a show and that these are actors, not the actual characters, and asked Jayson Warner Smith (Wendell on the show) if I could interview him for the blog.  He is actually a lovely and not at all icky, creepy person and kindly sad yes to my interview request!

Tell Me A Happy Story © Sarah Allegra

Tell Me A Happy Story © Sarah Allegra

One of my images was featured on Etsy‘s front page which made me squeal like a little girl.  Luckily I got a screen capture of it before it changed to another treasury!

Etsy's front page 08/08/2014

Etsy’s front page 08/08/2014

After I released Where Earth Meets The Sky, it was requested that I make a video showing how I’d created the image.  Happy to oblige, I made the following video:

Through the kind help of my friend Handy Andy Pandy, I learned how to make animated gifs showing the whole editing process of an image, which I’ve had a lot of fun doing!  I don’t do it for every image just for time reasons, but I think it’s fun to do when I can.  Speaking of Andy, he included me in his recommended artist list both for his part of the Blog Hop, and also on the article he wrote for FStop Lounge titled 3 Photographers You Should Follow.  I blushed and couldn’t have been prouder!

The Blue Ribbon © Sarah Allegra

The Blue Ribbon © Sarah Allegra

I wrote an article for In My Bag titled 5 Reasons Why Creative Self Portraiture Will Help You Become An Epic PhotographerBrooke Shaden was the guest judge that month and felt my article was good enough that she created a third place spot just so my article could be crowned third!  Talk about feeling good!

I’ll try and wrap up this year’s big interviews and features… there was the one Lens People did, a lovely and in-depth interview with Ezra Magazine, and another feature from Dodho Magazine.  The wonderful publication Photography Monthly included one of my self portraits in their October issue from this year.

Where Earth Meets The Sky, model Katie Johnson.  © Sarah Allegra

Where Earth Meets The Sky, model Katie Johnson. © Sarah Allegra

The esteemed Photographer’s Forum chose one of my images, Where Earth Meets The Sky, modeled by Katie Johnson, as a finalist in their 2014 Best of Photography Contest.

Photographer's Forum Best of Photography 2014 book - click here to get your own copy!

Photographer’s Forum Best of Photography 2014 book – click here to get your own copy!

Perhaps one of the best online feature I’ve had so far came this year when BoingBoing ran a feature on my “dreamy, trippy, fantasy photography” after seeing it come up in their Flickr stream!

Singed Wings © Sarah Allegra

Singed Wings © Sarah Allegra – an image to honor the Granite Mountain Hotshots

But I think the feature I’m most proud of came from winning a contest from Good Light! Magazine, hosted by Viewbug.  The contests’ theme was “People and Water.”  My image “A Drop of Blood” was chosen as the winning photo, which of course was just thrilling!  But the prizes were really meaningful to me; first, a feature on View Bug’s blog about how I captured the image.  Next was a really lovely article in Good Light!’s magazine about why the image was chosen:

Good Light Magazine Feature, image © Sarah Allegra

Good Light Magazine Feature, image © Sarah Allegra

And then my very favorite part was watching the short video where you can actually hear from the contest’s judge himself (and hear it in his lovely accent!) about why the winning images were chosen.  It was truly thrilling and embarrassing to hear someone say such nice things about my photograph!  Although I will gently note that the title came first and the image was built around it, not the other way around, but I can certainly see how it could confuse people!

Now, in less photography-related news, Geoff and I got to see the Breaking Bad House.  We also celebrated out 3-year anniversary of being married, which Geoff worked hard to made special despite me being deep in the hell of every-three-week-colds.

Happy anniversary!!!

Happy anniversary!!!

At the advice from Patti Penn, my Reiki teacher, and Geoff, I started making an important mental shift.  I realized that I was looking at my future with ME as written in stone; that it was a pre-determined fate for me to always be sick with it to some degree.  Sure, you hear about some people who go into remission, and even more rarely, are cured, but it was too painful to hope for that.  I tried to not expect that I would always get progressively worse, even though that seemed to be the direction everything was heading in, regardless of whatever diet or lifestyle changes I made.  It was less scary to expect that I’d always be dealing with it to some degree; opening myself up to the idea that I might get better some day was making myself vulnerable to extreme disappointment.

The Fragile Blossom That Opens In The Snow © Sarah Allegra

The Fragile Blossom That Opens In The Snow © Sarah Allegra

But I slowly started realizing that if I expected to always be sick, it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy and I would always be sick.  So as frightening as it might be, I had to start letting the idea of being healthy enter my life.  And it was very scary, very difficult.  Knowing you’re going to be fucked for the rest of your life is something you can adjust to, prepare for and learn to accept.  Having the possibility of healing destroyed the mental plans I’d been preparing myself for, and while it would be a very, very good thing to find myself well, the risk of shattering disappointment was so great, I didn’t want to even entertain the idea.

But I needed to embrace that idea, as terrifying as it might be.  Geoff and Patti both brought up the same idea to me, completely independent from each other and without knowing what I’d been thinking through.  It seemed like a very clear sign.  So I’m taking a deep breath and plunging into the frightening unknown.  The unknown where I could get better some day.  And if I don’t get better, it certainly will be heartbreaking.  But if I don’t allow myself to be vulnerable in this way, then I definitely will not ever get better.

Toward The Boiling Sun © Sarah Allegra

Toward The Boiling Sun © Sarah Allegra

This is one of my big plans for 2015.  Every day, instead of dwelling on what I couldn’t or didn’t do, focus on what I did do.  Even if 99.9% of me feels like complete shit, focus on that .01% where I felt good.  Instead of being frustrated, angry and disappointed with the limitations of my body and mentally say nasty, demoralizing to it, I’ll praise it for the good it did.  I’ll tell it that I know it’s working so hard, that it’s trying its best and that I appreciate all the effort it goes to.  It will take time to make this mental shift, but it’s worth making it.  And I will practice grace with myself, both in what my mental dialogue is and with however long it takes me to heal.  I believe this is the only way I have any hope of getting completely better some day… and no matter how painful that hope can be sometimes, I will commit to it.

Spring's Awakening © Sarah Allegra

Spring’s Awakening © Sarah Allegra

I’ve got a lot I’ll be working on through 2015.  I have big plans for my Glass Walls series, which explores animal rights, along with continuing to build DreamWorld.  A couple burners are being kept busy with Peter Beagle/Conlan-related plans.   And I’ve got numerous projects at various points of completion which I’ll be sharing with you when I can 🙂

The Light Is Winning © Sarah Allegra

The Light Is Winning © Sarah Allegra

I’ve scattered some of my favorite images taken over the past year throughout this post (many of which you can find in my 2015 calendar, on sale here!), but I wanted to leave you with something to inspire you in your own photo creations!  So, in no particular order, here are some of the photographers I recommend you start following right now, if you haven’t already!  There may be some nudity, so just keep that in mind.

Jessica Trinh/Sprinkle Happiness

David Talley

Helen Warner

Chris Arnade

Tim Andrews

Kindra Nikole

Kirsty Mitchell

Brooke Shaden

Robert Cornelius

Handy Andy Pandy

Unsinn Image

And lastly, though she is not a photographer, I highly recommend following Katie Johnson, one of the models I work with most frequently.  She writes blogs for several site which cover a variety of subjects and angles.  If you’re interested in modeling or pole dancing to gain confidence, you’ll find her a kindred spirit.  If you’re a photographer, many of her articles are directed at you and will help you improve your photographer/model relationships.  Plus, she’s just the loveliest person and one I am happy to have in my life and call a friend 🙂

Carried Away By The Wind © Sarah Allegra - a rare image without a human subject

Carried Away By The Wind © Sarah Allegra – a rare image without a human subject

So… this new image.  As I’ve said, it’s really been a pretty rough year, all around.  I watched a movie with my mom recently, on a day she came to visit me after my surgery and make sure I actually laid down all day (something I have trouble doing).

Winter’s Tale ended up being very much a “Sarah movie” as Geoff calls them.  Critics weren’t overly taken with it, and I can see their arguments, but at the end of the day, I still really enjoyed the movie.  It’s hard to make mythic, hopeful movies which are sweet without being cloying or heavy-handed, and I felt that Winter’s Tale balanced itself well.  It’s also very beautiful visually and several of the themes inspired new creations of my own.

Richness In Winter © Sarah Allegra

Richness In Winter © Sarah Allegra

One of the movie’s main points is that “everything happens for a reason” (even the bad things).  This has been such an incredibly trying year; right now I can’t imagine good reasons for the numerous bad things which have hounded Geoff and me this year.  This image is sort of a peace-offering in a way.  A symbol to the universe to say I don’t know what the purpose of these things could have been, but I’m going to trust that there is a reason.  And not just any reason, but a good one.  One I will look back on later and smile, thinking of all the heartache and knowing it had been worth it.

This is the attitude I want to start 2015 off with.  A humble admission that I don’t have all the answers, and never will, but that I am continuing my direction of my life in the hope that tremendous good will be found along this path.  At the moment it feels a bit like a blind faith, but I have decided this is the mindset I need to start off 2015.  I am taking my leap; I hope the universe catches me.

Reuniting With The Stars © Sarah Allegra

Reuniting With The Stars © Sarah Allegra

Thank goodness Byron was around to lend me his opinion while I edited Katie 🙂

Byron giving me his opinion while I edited Katie

Vegan “burger” patties, mashed garlic cauliflower and baked potato, in case you’re curious what I was eating for dinner that night 🙂

 

What are you holding onto for 2015?  What plans are you making?  What hopes do you have?  I’d love to hear them!

Read Full Post »

Does anyone recognize what movie this blog’s title is from?  A+ to you if you do!

You guys all know about the cross-country screening tour that Peter S. Beagle, his publisher Connor Cochran and a beautifully new, restored version of the 1982 animated classic The Last Unicorn have been on, right?  Where you can see the film huge, in  movie theater, which, if you’re like me, you’d previously never had the chance to do before.  And it’s not merely a screening of the movie, although that would be wonderful enough.  The whole evening is an event, with Q&A sessions with Peter, prizes, costume contests, and Peter stays for hours and hours after each show to sign books and take photos with every single person who would like to do so.  You may remember that I was at their screening in Long Beach last August, when Connor introduced me and my work to Peter’s fans.  I also had the chance, while they were in town, to “borrow” Peter for a couple hours and turn him into DreamWorld’s King; an incredible honor, and something that I will remember for the entire rest of my life.

Aerie - Peter as the DreamWorld King.

Aerie: Peter as the DreamWorld King – one of the five pieces on display at the Modern Fantasy Summit.

And you guys also remember how I’m now contracted with Connor’s publishing company, Conlan Press, right?  There’s a ton of stuff in the works with them that I don’t want to talk about quite yet, except to say that it will be very exciting 🙂  What is very safe to say for now is that the owners of the Jean Cocteau Cinema in Santa Fe, New Mexico, where Peter was going to be screening on January 25th decided to really up the ante at this show.  Not only will you get all the amazing things that happen at every event, but George R.R. Martin, author of the Game of Thrones books, will be there as well.  George R.R. Martin and Peter will be interviewing each other live on stage!  It will be spectacular.

And, as if that weren’t enough, the Jean Cocteau Cinema people decided they needed to have a unicorn fine art show as well 🙂

This Dying Body - one of the five pieces on display at the Modern Fantasy Summit.

This Dying Body – one of the five pieces on display at the Modern Fantasy Summit.

A few days ago, I got a call from Connor asking how quickly I could get prints made from some of my The Last Unicorn-inspired pieces.  Thanks to Lauren, my go-to girl at POV Printing, I was able to get a rush order in and she printed off five huge, gorgeous pieces of my work.  They’re traveling with Peter, Connor and their assistant/wrangler Cat through Arizona and into New Mexico and will be beautifully displayed and for sale at the show!

I really have to take just a moment to say what amazing work POV does.  Every single thing I’ve ever had them print has turned out unbelievably gorgeously.  They use archival inks and thick, museum-quality paper, almost like a watercolor paper.  These are not flimsy, cheap prints.  The work they put into each and every print they make elevates it to another level.  I am so glad to have found them!

To Be So Full - one of the five pieces on display at the Modern Fantasy Summit.

To Be So Full – one of the five pieces on display at the Modern Fantasy Summit.

So if you are at all in the area, I would strongly recommend getting tickets for the Modern Fantasy Summit!  The tickets will get you in to see The Last Unicorn movie, experience two of the greatest fantasy writers interview each other, all the usual perks of a screening, as well as getting to see the art show, featuring my work along with other artists’… which you can also purchase and take home with you 🙂

Now Has Come The Time For Silence - one of the five pieces on display at the Modern Fantasy Summit.

Now Has Come The Time For Silence – one of the five pieces on display at the Modern Fantasy Summit.

I wish I were a little closer myself so I could go to this once-in-a-lifetime event!  Traveling with ME is always a challenge, and I’m still recovering a little from traveling over Christmas, otherwise I’d drop everything and chase after Peter and Connor like Molly Grue after Robin Hood.  If you go, please take some photos and let me know what you thought!  And to satisfy my vanity, I would love it if someone could snap a few photos of my pieces up in the gallery 🙂

I hope you guys can go and let me live vicariously through you!  Thanks to all who turn out!

In The Lilac Wood - one of the five pieces on display at the Modern Fantasy Summit.

In The Lilac Wood – one of the five pieces on display at the Modern Fantasy Summit.

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »

%d bloggers like this: