2013: High/Low

It’s that time of year when everyone with a blog is required to take a look at the previous year and take stock.  I like this tradition.  It gives you a sense of accomplishment for the things you’ve done and also brings to mind what still needs attention.

So what happened in 2013?  So much!

I signed a contract with Conlan Press, Peter S. Beagle’s publisher.  This has already brought some very exciting things about, and there are many, many more to come!

In The Lilac Wood

I created what I consider the first “real” DreamWorld piece.  By “real” I mean a full-fledged character was brought to life with costumes and props which took months to create and inventing new ways to bring about my vision on a shoe-string budget.  The inclusion of birds would also prove to be a frequently occurring theme in DreamWorld.

The Court Of The Dryad Queen

I got to photograph Lauren Cohen, aka Maggie from AMC’s The Walking Dead.  The image also kicked off a sub-series of DreamWorld portraying the various steps along the Hero’s Journey.

Crossing The First Threshold

I also got to photograph Paul Telfer, known for his roles in NCIS, The Vampire Diaries and other roles that require buff-and-handsome men.  He perfectly portrayed the angelic kind of being you would want watching over you while you sleep.

Prayer For The Frail

This year also brought about a new, ongoing collaboration and friendship with actor/model Katie Johnson.  I could write an entire post about how wonderful it’s been to have Katie in my life, both for artistic reasons and personal ones.  I will leave it at two main points; that she is a spectacular model, equally skilled at following specific, minute directions as well as being let loose while I just try and keep up with her.  Her friendship, strength and grace have been a great boon this year, especially during some notable rough patches.  Thank you, Katie 🙂

Perennial Parasol

One of those notable rough patches was learning about the tragic deaths of the 19 Hotshot firemen in Yarnell, Arizona this summer, and that one of them had been a childhood friend of mine.

To The Lost

In a somewhat similar vein, I took my passion for animal rights to a new level after watching the documentary Blackfish.  This also meant that I finally tackled underwater photography, which I’d been quite nervous about trying.

Concrete Cell

I wrote an open letter to Jack Hanna criticizing his continued support of SeaWorld after the Blackfish allegations, which became quite successful and even garnered the attention of celebrities such as British actor Stephen Fry.

Stephen Fry Tweet

Like DreamWorld, the set of Blackfish photos has set in motion a more all-encompassing series addressing animal rights in other areas.  More of that will come in 2014!

A Drop Of Blood

In championing human causes, I got to be a part of the Kickstarter campaign for the documentary Canary In A Coal Mine, in production, about myalgic encephalomyelitis, aka ME, previously known in the United States as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/CFS.  The Kickstarter was an INCREDIBLE success, and we can look forward to seeing the film in late 2014 or early 2015!  I’m proud to have been a small part of the movement.  I also got to work a little more on my series on living with ME with the help of model/friend Aly Darling.

Martyrs To A Name

I visited a sheep farm to take photos of lambs and goats along with friends Katie and Brooke Shaden, to create a very personal portrait of my grandmother.  This particular lamb was appropriately named Too Cute 🙂

The Shepherdess

I had the pleasure of being interviewed on The Candid Frame, The Altadena Blog, and having some of my photos appear in the self-portrait how-to book, Shooting Yourself, by Haje Jan Kamps.

I “celebrated” my 5-year anniversary with ME.  I’ve tried many new therapies this year to combat the ME, but with the exception of ART massage, it has gotten slowly worse and finally forced me to quit my day job.  In some ways this is a good thing, as my day job was doing my body no good at all, and it also means now I can concentrate fulltime on art.  But it’s also a bit frightening; will the ME get a little worse every year?  Will it level off now that I’m not pushing it trying to hold down a job?  There are many unknowns, which can be worse than knowing something bad will happen.  I try and keep a good attitude about things, but it’s also no good trying to simply ignore your fears.  They won’t go away, they’ll simply grow in the dark.

Vanity’s Murder

This TED Talk sums up my fears, hopes and trials beautifully, and I would recommend it to anyone and everyone, especially any who struggle with depression.

I am still mourning Richard Harrow’s death (this was my light-hearted way of dealing with it) and I’m working on a photo to help work through those feelings.

On a happier note, I got to save a litter of opossum babies and was deeply moved by a beautiful new book.

But perhaps very best of all was getting to photograph author Peter S. Beagle, of The Last Unicorn fame, and bring him into DreamWorld as its King.  It was such a tremendous amount of work, but that just makes the resulting photos that much more meaningful.

Beloved Of The Crown

A year ago, I never would have thought I’d find myself not only merely talking to Peter, but actually interacting with him, making a costume for him, and casting him as one of the most important characters of DreamWorld.

Aerie

If that all happened in 2013, what will 2014 bring?  I am very excited to find out!

Here’s to a great new year!

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Almodine

Perhaps he had traveled.  Now she would, too…  He’d been missing too long for things to be wholly right.  Nothing knew of him in the yard.  Nothing in the house.  All of it forgetting, slowly, slowly, she could feel it, and one could only last so long separated from the essence.

A quest waited in those circumstances, always.

The traveler was almost there.  If this one knew nothing, she would ask the next.  And the next one.  One of them would know…. She stood broadside in the gravel and turned her head and asked her question.

Asked if it had seen her boy.  Her essence.  Her soul.

But if the traveler understood, it showed no sign.

I recently finished reading for the first time The Story of Edgar Sawtelle, which my wonderful neighbor Donna gave me.  I loved it; it’s beautifully written, evocative, expertly tackles some tough story elements and leaves a mark on your heart.  I’m going to talk a bit more about the book, what I thought and how this self portrait fits in, but there will be some small spoilers.  Consider this your warning 🙂

* * * * *

Well now.  Let’s get started!  Edgar Sawtelle is set in a rural, mid-western small town.  The Sawtelles have been breeding dogs for generations, but instead of breeding for typical canine traits they breed for cognitive thought, creating what Edgar’s father likes to call the next dog.

There is a strong, intentional undercurrent of Hamlet woven into the story, which wouldn’t seem to mesh well with a tale about dog breeders, but it comes together beautifully.

The heart of the story is the relationship between Edgar and his closest dog, Almondine.  As a reader, you come to know and love her just as deeply as Edgar does.  Edgar is born mute, and thus often struggles communicating with people.  But with dogs, you don’t need words.  Almondine and Edgar understand each other perfectly.

When, as in Hamlet, Edgar is banished from his home for a time, circumstances prevent him from taking Almondine with him; a problem which bothers him much more than just being banished.  He longs to go back and get her, but he is prevented from it, and he misses her even more than his mother.  But Almondine is a Sawtelle dog.  She sets out to find Edgar herself.

After I’d finished the book and was reading reviews and commentaries online about it, I realized just how closely Edgar’s story mirrors Hamlet’s.  Each main character in Edgar Sawtelle is a counterpart to someone in Hamlet.  Edgar, of course, is Hamlet, his mother Trudy is queen Gertrude, his uncle Claude is Claudius, etc.  And I finally realized that Almondine is Ophelia.

Edgar and Almondine love each other deeply.  They are soulmates, not of a romantic kind, but simply two halves of one whole.  Of course, Ophelia is a tragic figure, and just like her Shakespearean counterpart, when she finally takes matters into her own hands (or paws) she dies because of it.

Yet all is not lost.  Edgar and Almondine reunite, and when she sees him for the first time she says, “You didn’t have to come back.  I would have found you.”  And she would have.  She would have walked to the ends of the earth to find him, and even death couldn’t keep her from accomplishing her goal.  Her strength and tenacity amaze me.  She would never, ever have stopped looking for him.  I find her and their relationship so beautiful and moving, I cried on more than one occasion.

I felt so moved by the characters, I knew I had to do something photographically with it or I’d just burst.  I wanted to portray Almondine, but also nod toward her Ophelia roots.  I chose a dress that has a timeless feel to it, and is a bit more practical; something I’d imagine a dog might choose if they suddenly found themselves a person.  I went minimal on makeup and adornments, except for the clutch of flowers, since there is such a strong tie between them and Ophelia.  I wanted the photo to be about Almondine’s love and strength, so I chose to take a close-up shot and really concentrate on expressing emotion.

The tear was something I’ve been wanting to try for a while.   At some point during one of my crafting sessions, I noticed that the little blogs of hot glue that form while it’s hot and waiting for you to use it looked quite a lot like tears, so then I tried intentionally making a few.  It ended up being quite quick and easy, and looked very natural, even in person.

The colors and editing choices I made are a very slight nod to Darren Aronofsky’s The Fountain, one of my very favorite movies.  Yes, I know, it’s a terribly controversial film which people either loath or adore, but I am firmly in the adoration camp.  It also has themes of love transcending death, and as I edited, I kept seeing flashes of the film in my mind and hearing its music playing, so I finally just went that direction.  Once I did, I realized it fit perfectly and I should have trusted myself on that right away 🙂

A screen capture of Rachel Weisz in The Fountain.

There’s something really special about self portraits.  There’s a level of therapy and catharsis I have not found in any other form of art.  I highly recommend it 🙂  Click on the image to see it larger!

I Will Find You

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