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Posts Tagged ‘inspired’

Something you’ll know about me if you follow me anywhere or have read any other blog entries is my deep, abiding love for Peter S. Beagle and all of his creations.  Yes, he is best known for his beloved masterpiece The Last Unicorn (the same story that was made into an animated film and you probably saw as a child, not grasping its full, profound meaning).  The Last Unicorn deserves every bit of praise it gets and more.  It’s the most incredible story, full of wonder and love and great sorrow… and joy, despite, or because of, the sorrow.  What many people don’t know is that Peter is an exceptionally prolific writer, having written more books and short stories than I can count (A Fine and Private Place is a very close second favorite to The Last Unicorn).  And every single one is just as brilliant of a masterpiece as The Last Unicorn.

In The Lilac Wood, a self portrait

In The Lilac Wood, © Sarah Allegra, a self portrait

I actually don’t remember a time when I didn’t know the story of The Last Unicorn.  As in the book, “there has never been a time without unicorns,” so there was never a time for me without The Last Unicorn.  It came out the year before I was born and I grew up knowing it.  My brother and I both loved it, and to this day can still quote nearly the entire thing by heart.  We would make a game out of it, seeing how long we could volley the script back and forth.  As I got a little older, I started reading the book, and each time I did, I discovered new levels, new depths, new nuances that I hadn’t been old enough to understand before.  It’s a common misconception that Unicorn is a children’s story, simply because the movie made from it was animated. There’s nothing wrong with children reading or seeing the movie, but it is a story for grown-ups.  You can’t fully appreciate the skillful, deft writing, the terrible tragedy, the glorious splendor, the tear-inducing sacrifice, the depth of the characters until you’ve experienced more of life yourself.

And Other Secrets, © Sarah Allegra, Model: Anna Wood

And Other Secrets, © Sarah Allegra, model: Anna Wood

It doesn’t surprise me now that I look back and remember that the very first self portrait I ever took, far before I was a “photographer” or a “self portrait artist” was inspired by the book.  The character of the unicorn, magically transformed unwillingly into a human girl for much of the book, taken from immortality into a body she feels dying all around her, resonated so deeply with me.  I probably don’t have to draw you a very detailed map of how it relates to my experience of living in a shitty body possessed by ME.  And yet the unicorn gains something which sets her apart from all the other unicorns in the world by her ordeal.  She learns regret.  She learns to love.  She is made more full for all her suffering.  It’s a hope I cling to for myself, sometimes harder than others, but one I return to again and again.

The Importance Of Mortality, © Sarah Allegra, a self portrait

The Importance Of Mortality, © Sarah Allegra, a self portrait

About two and a half years ago, Peter magically discovered some of my work which had been inspired by his writing (both The Last Unicorn and other stories) and his business manager, Connor Cochran, reached out to me.  There is still much under wraps and it will all be revealed in time, but we began working together, which was more than a dream come true for me.  Bless him, Peter is the antithesis of the saying “never meet your heroes.”  Meeting Peter only me love him and his writing more.  There truly are few more kind, generous and relentlessly creative people on earth.  And he is this generous with everyone.  At The Last Unicorn Screening Tour (which I HIGHLY recommend you attend!!) he will stay until EVERY SINGLE PERSON who would like to meet him, hug him, have him sign their book or take a photo with him is seen.  Despite the often very long lines, he doesn’t make you feel rushed, he takes his time and lets you say whatever you need to say.  In the moment you’re with him, you are the only person in the entire world and you have his full attention.  This does mean the screenings often end in the wee hours of night, and I don’t know how they all do it, those hours would kill me, but it’s just who Peter is.

Salt Wine - © Sarah Allegra, model: Peter Onorati

Salt Wine – © Sarah Allegra, model: Peter Onorati

A little while after I had signed my contract with Conlan Press, Peter’s publishing house run by Connor, I gathered up my nerve and asked Connor if I could borrow Peter and photograph him as DreamWorld‘s King when they were in town for the next screening.  To my joy, Connor gave me the go-ahead.  This led to a nightmarish few weeks when I frantically created Peter’s incredibly elaborate costume made almost entirely out of paper (fully documented here) but the results were worth every tearful, over-tired night I had getting ready for it.  No one could be DreamWorld‘s King better than Peter.

Beloved Of The Crown - Peter as the King, with Dedeker Winston and Katie Johnson as his maids.

Beloved Of The Crown – Peter as the King, with Dedeker Winston and Katie Johnson as his maids.

Aerie - Peter as the DreamWorld King.

Aerie – © Sarah Allegra, Peter as the DreamWorld King.

Why am I telling you all this?  Just to illustrate what an incredibly special and remarkable person Peter truly is, and how wonderful Connor and everyone at Conlan are.  They put their all into every single screening.  They are genuinely all wonderful people, and Peter is everything you would hope he would be and more.  I’ve been fortunate enough to have attended two of them; the first time was the same day that I photographed Peter so I had no energy for dressing up myself for the show, but the second time I went as Amalthea, as seen below (which won the costume contest that night, probably because of my handmade Have A Taco Purse, which I can make for you too!).  Seeing the movie in a theater never fails to bring tears to my eyes.]

At the screening as Amalthea (with purse) and back at home.

At the screening as Amalthea (with purse) and back at home.

Which, in my rambling, round-about way, leads to the main thrust of this post.  The tour had planned on traveling to multiple countries in Europe this year, and while the movie will still be shown and everyone will still have a fabulous time, Peter will be unable to attend due to a non-threatening health issue.  Peter is ok, there’s nothing to worry about, but still… even non-threatening health issues suck.  Peter hopes to be back on the road soon, but I thought that it might cheer him up if we all rallied and showed him some love.  What do you say?  For our beloved author who writes the stories which make us weep simultaneously from sorrow and joy?  He has given SO MUCH to the world, let’s try and give even a fraction of it back to him!

To Be So Full, © Sarah Allegra, model: Dedeker Winston

To Be So Full, © Sarah Allegra, model: Dedeker Winston

What do I mean by that?  Well, feel free to leave a comment here on the blog.  I’ll send them on to Connor who can forward them to Peter.  Feel free to leave kind words of encouragement on his Facebook page or send him an email at contact@conlanpress.com.  I’m sure he will really appreciate everyone’s show of support!

Sleight Of Hand © Sarah Allegra, featuring my neighbor John Harnagel

Sleight Of Hand © Sarah Allegra, featuring my neighbor John Harnagel

And let’s face it; we owe him.  For decades of wonder, joy and poignant insight.  For holding up mirrors full of fantasy which still reflect ourselves back and help us make new discoveries.  For every brilliant word typed, every tear shed and every heart which grew in size because of his writing.  For showing us what heroes are for.  For bringing us unicorns.

Get well soon, Peter.  We all love you 🙂

Now Has Come The Time For Silence -© Sarah Allegra, a self portrait

Now Has Come The Time For Silence – © Sarah Allegra, a self portrait

See all my Peter S. Beagle-inspired images here and buy fun things with these images on them here!

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“She twines her spine up slowly

Toward the boiling sun

And when I touched her skin

My fingers ran with blood”

-True Detective’s Theme Song “Far From Any Road,” by The Handsome Family

Toward The Boiling Sun - detail- © Sarah Allegra

Toward The Boiling Sun – detail- © Sarah Allegra

It occurs to me that Cacti and Sinuses sounds like a weird band name 🙂

Here we have another True Detective-inspired image for my Pop Culture set of images.  This one was inspired more directly by the song used in the show’s title sequence, Far From Any Road, by The Handsome Family.  The song’s lyrics tell the story of a cactus which blooms once every thousand years.  Anyone who witnesses the rare event is driven mad by it.  Which, considering how much inspiration the show took from Robert W. Chambers’ The King In Yellow, a short story collection about a fictitious play which will drive any viewers or readers  insane, feels perfectly fitting.  It also is a brilliant pairing in mood and style for the show; the images and beautiful double exposures all work in such harmony… it’s the most beautiful pairing of music and television.

I don’t think my imagination is anywhere near being done inspired by True Detective though!  It’s the show that just keeps giving and giving 🙂

I’d like to clarify that I did not actually force Katie Johnson to sit nude in the middle of a cactus pile.  No models were harmed in the making of this image!  I composited an image I shot of Katie from a high angle with images I shot of my neighbor Donna’s cacti and blended them together in Photoshop.  Thanks to Geoff for steadying the ladder I was on shooting the cacti and helping to make sure I didn’t get stuck by any of their needles!

Changing the subject; at this point, I’ve had eight colds since the end of July, one of one which lasted for 3 weeks, two ear infections with the colds and strep throat another time, so I am having sinus surgery tomorrow.  Apparently my sinuses aren’t draining like they’re supposed to, the germs are never really leaving and they keep taking over my body again and again.  Despite my generally poor health with the fibro and ME, my sinuses haven’t really ever been an issue up till now, so I’m hopeful that the surgery will clear things out and this will stop being an issue.  On average, I’ve only had about two to three weeks between colds for the last three and a half months and I can’t tell you how VERY TIRED I am of having colds.  Lots of acute illnesses of top of chronic illness feels terribly unfair.

The last couple months have been rough health-wise, but I’m very eager to let the doctor clean me out and hopefully set me down headed the right direction!  I’ve been told to expect to feel extra crappy for a while after the surgery, and I was able to get a few simpler images edited before today in case I’m feeling really terrible for a while, so there shouldn’t be any big break in images being posted.  I will also have my wonderful husband Geoff to help me through my recovery; he has had this exact surgery before, which I’m sure will be very handy to help me figure out how to best deal with whatever negative effects I feel from it.  He’ll be with me the whole day of my surgery and the next, and after that I should be ok to be on my own.  But I’ve got my wonderful neighbors right next door in case anything comes up!

I’m chomping at the bit to get the surgery over with so I can start actually feeling better, but of course I’m also a little nervous about it.  So wish me luck; your good thoughts and energy will be very welcome!  I’ll try and update the blog when I’m feeling up to it.

Anyone else here on Instagram?  I just joined recently; let me know if you’re on there!  Also, if you missed it, please see my last post about the near extinction of wild lions, as portrayed through Travis Weinand in DreamWorld; a cause very important to me!

One of the things I love about working with Katie is how her heavy dance background translates so beautifully into her modeling.  She is just always so graceful and effortlessly aware of every part of her body, able to emote even through her fingers and toes.  With that said, please enjoy Katie’s beautiful work in this latest image of her!

Toward The Boiling Sun © Sarah Allegra

Toward The Boiling Sun © Sarah Allegra

Toward The Boiling Sun - detail- © Sarah Allegra

Toward The Boiling Sun – detail- © Sarah Allegra

Toward The Boiling Sun - detail- © Sarah Allegra

Toward The Boiling Sun – detail- © Sarah Allegra

Toward The Boiling Sun - detail- © Sarah Allegra

Toward The Boiling Sun – detail- © Sarah Allegra

Thanks, Katie!  You’re always beautiful!  And thanks to everyone in advance for your well wishes!

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Here’s something I’ve never done before: create an image intending for it to be black and white!  I have one other image that was converted for a magazine which required it to be black and white to print it.  I LOVE me some color.  I like using color strategically and thoughtfully.  But something made me think about doing this most recent image in black and white and I loved the idea.  It would be a bit of a challenge and a stretch for me and that’s a good thing.

This image came to be through two sources.  One was a way to help me deal with the grief I was still feeling.  The other was this astonishingly beautiful solo by Ricky Ubeda for the show So You Think You Can Dance, and the gorgeous music and poetic lyrics by David J. Roch.

Don’t lose your soul as your eyes roll shut
Don’t worry, it will be over

You know what’s to come to not accept this
Don’t lose your soul, you must fight for each breath
Don’t go quietly

My soul has flown and I am what is left
I am skin and bones

Who else can look exactly like a leaf being blown across the stage??

When I first watched this dance, it was on a day when I was heavily grieving and I started weeping uncontrollably as I watched it… and was still compelled to rewind the DVR and watch it over and over.  I’ve probably seen it 20 times now in about a week.  I immediately tracked the song down, downloaded it on Itunes and have been listening to it on repeat in the car since then.

I can’t quite verbalize what it is about this performance that moves me so much, which is part of why art exists; to give voice to that which we can’t say.  Though it brought so many tears out of me, there was a hopeful, soothing quality to it within the darkness.  And since I can’t tell you exactly how it makes me feel, the next best thing I could do was create a self portrait.

With Ricky’s evocative dance, David J. Roch’s sober lyrics and Andrew’s death rolling around inside my head, I shot a self portrait which was, as it usually is, very healing to do.  I felt lighter after it.

The “I am skin and bones” refrain immediately made me think of black and white; the visual equivalent of being reduced to simple skin and bones.  The door and handle are holding my body up, and my face is mostly in shadows to reflect both the dark lyrics and my dark emotional state.

I purposely left on my metal bracelet, which I wear every day.  It was made by a lovely person on Etsy who will hammer whatever phrase you’d like onto your bracelet.  Mine reads “That’s what heroes are for.”  A daily reminder to be brave, to continue striving, to be ready to sacrifice for that which is important.  And to me, it was vitally important to include it within this self portrait.  Though its meaning will only be known to me and those reading this, it is a flash of hope and strength at a time when it was most needed.

And that is all I can verbalize about the meaning of this image.  Editing in black and white definitely used different artistic muscles.  I enjoyed the change of pace, but I don’t see myself becoming solely a black and white photographer; I love color too much.

I hope you enjoy this experiment down the black and white lane!  And I also hope that you will vote for Ricky Ubeda in the upcoming weeks of So You Think You Can Dance; I already believe (and hope) he could win the whole contest!  Thank you to Ricky and David J. Roch for providing the art that I needed just when I needed it.  Full song lyrics are below the photo!

Skin and Bones

Skin and Bones

 

Skin and Bones - detail

Skin and Bones – detail

Skin and bones, by David J Roch:

Don’t lose your soul as your eyes roll shut
Don’t worry, it will be over
Hold on though, you’re alone, I am there with you
That much at least I can promise

You know what’s to come to not accept this
Don’t lose your soul, you must fight for each breath
Don’t go quietly

Don’t cry out for God
Just breathe in and out
Don’t cry out for God
Just breathe in and out

We are but lambs to the slaughter now
I have no fear of death itself
So don’t try and save me and please, God, forsake me
I’ll suffer alone, I just want to be left

My soul has flown and I am what is left
I am skin and bones
I am skin and bones
I am skin and bones
I am skin and bones
I am skin and bones
I am skin and bones
I am skin and bones
I am skin and bones
I am skin and bones
I am skin and bones
I am skin and bones

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It’s that time of year when everyone with a blog is required to take a look at the previous year and take stock.  I like this tradition.  It gives you a sense of accomplishment for the things you’ve done and also brings to mind what still needs attention.

So what happened in 2013?  So much!

I signed a contract with Conlan Press, Peter S. Beagle’s publisher.  This has already brought some very exciting things about, and there are many, many more to come!

In The Lilac Wood

In The Lilac Wood

I created what I consider the first “real” DreamWorld piece.  By “real” I mean a full-fledged character was brought to life with costumes and props which took months to create and inventing new ways to bring about my vision on a shoe-string budget.  The inclusion of birds would also prove to be a frequently occurring theme in DreamWorld.

The Court Of The Dryad Queen

The Court Of The Dryad Queen

I got to photograph Lauren Cohen, aka Maggie from AMC’s The Walking Dead.  The image also kicked off a sub-series of DreamWorld portraying the various steps along the Hero’s Journey.

Crossing The First Threshold

Crossing The First Threshold

I also got to photograph Paul Telfer, known for his roles in NCIS, The Vampire Diaries and other roles that require buff-and-handsome men.  He perfectly portrayed the angelic kind of being you would want watching over you while you sleep.

Prayer For The Frail

Prayer For The Frail

This year also brought about a new, ongoing collaboration and friendship with actor/model Katie Johnson.  I could write an entire post about how wonderful it’s been to have Katie in my life, both for artistic reasons and personal ones.  I will leave it at two main points; that she is a spectacular model, equally skilled at following specific, minute directions as well as being let loose while I just try and keep up with her.  Her friendship, strength and grace have been a great boon this year, especially during some notable rough patches.  Thank you, Katie 🙂

Perennial Parasol

Perennial Parasol

One of those notable rough patches was learning about the tragic deaths of the 19 Hotshot firemen in Yarnell, Arizona this summer, and that one of them had been a childhood friend of mine.

To The Lost

To The Lost

In a somewhat similar vein, I took my passion for animal rights to a new level after watching the documentary Blackfish.  This also meant that I finally tackled underwater photography, which I’d been quite nervous about trying.

Concrete Cell

Concrete Cell

I wrote an open letter to Jack Hanna criticizing his continued support of SeaWorld after the Blackfish allegations, which became quite successful and even garnered the attention of celebrities such as British actor Stephen Fry.

Stephen Fry Tweet

Stephen Fry Tweet

Like DreamWorld, the set of Blackfish photos has set in motion a more all-encompassing series addressing animal rights in other areas.  More of that will come in 2014!

A Drop Of Blood

A Drop Of Blood

In championing human causes, I got to be a part of the Kickstarter campaign for the documentary Canary In A Coal Mine, in production, about myalgic encephalomyelitis, aka ME, previously known in the United States as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/CFS.  The Kickstarter was an INCREDIBLE success, and we can look forward to seeing the film in late 2014 or early 2015!  I’m proud to have been a small part of the movement.  I also got to work a little more on my series on living with ME with the help of model/friend Aly Darling.

Martyrs To A Name

Martyrs To A Name

I visited a sheep farm to take photos of lambs and goats along with friends Katie and Brooke Shaden, to create a very personal portrait of my grandmother.  This particular lamb was appropriately named Too Cute 🙂

The Shepherdess

The Shepherdess

I had the pleasure of being interviewed on The Candid Frame, The Altadena Blog, and having some of my photos appear in the self-portrait how-to book, Shooting Yourself, by Haje Jan Kamps.

SP book all pages

I “celebrated” my 5-year anniversary with ME.  I’ve tried many new therapies this year to combat the ME, but with the exception of ART massage, it has gotten slowly worse and finally forced me to quit my day job.  In some ways this is a good thing, as my day job was doing my body no good at all, and it also means now I can concentrate fulltime on art.  But it’s also a bit frightening; will the ME get a little worse every year?  Will it level off now that I’m not pushing it trying to hold down a job?  There are many unknowns, which can be worse than knowing something bad will happen.  I try and keep a good attitude about things, but it’s also no good trying to simply ignore your fears.  They won’t go away, they’ll simply grow in the dark.

Vanity's Murder

Vanity’s Murder

This TED Talk sums up my fears, hopes and trials beautifully, and I would recommend it to anyone and everyone, especially any who struggle with depression.

I am still mourning Richard Harrow’s death (this was my light-hearted way of dealing with it) and I’m working on a photo to help work through those feelings.

On a happier note, I got to save a litter of opossum babies and was deeply moved by a beautiful new book.

But perhaps very best of all was getting to photograph author Peter S. Beagle, of The Last Unicorn fame, and bring him into DreamWorld as its King.  It was such a tremendous amount of work, but that just makes the resulting photos that much more meaningful.

Beloved Of The Crown

Beloved Of The Crown

A year ago, I never would have thought I’d find myself not only merely talking to Peter, but actually interacting with him, making a costume for him, and casting him as one of the most important characters of DreamWorld.

Aerie

Aerie

If that all happened in 2013, what will 2014 bring?  I am very excited to find out!

Christmas Eve

Here’s to a great new year!

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“Great heroes need great sorrows and burdens, or half their greatness goes unnoticed. It is all part of the fairy tale.”

-Peter S. Beagle in The Last Unicorn.

I have recently become fascinated with the character of Richard Harrow in HBO’s acclaimed drama Boardwalk Empire.  Richard, the World War One sniper who survived the war, but lost half his face in the process.

Still from the show.

Richard: equal parts ruthless killing machine, kind soul, tender and careful with those he loves, and loyal to the bitter end.

Still from the show.

His facial disfigurement leads him to constantly wear a tin mask over the left side of his face, a wound which pushes him to the fringes of society.  Small children become horrified and scream when he unwittingly allows them to see him maskless.  Society brands him a monster and few will engage with him in any meaningful way.

To the people who befriend him in spite of the society which dictates he should be ignored, he is fiercely devoted.  Killing bad men to keep them safe?  No problem.  Richard is, after all, a highly trained and exceptional marksman, especially considering he’s only working with one eye.

Still from the show.

But despite his ability for brutality, he is gentle and kind.  He keeps a secret scrapbook of his dreams… having a little family, falling in love and having a quiet, happy life.

Despite our very dissimilar backgrounds, I started identifying with his character early on.  He feels he is an outsider, I often do too.  He is shy and reluctant to speak, I am too (blogs are another beast altogether and really don’t count as speaking).  We both have inner demons to battle.  While I have had no training with any kind of serious weaponry, I would protect my friends and family to my last breath.  And of course we both contend with wounded bodies.  His hurts are larger and much more obvious than mine, but it’s close enough for me to bond with him over, and also inspire myself with in times when I’m tired of dragging my uncooperative body along through yet another day.

Still from the show.

Through the past three seasons of Boardwalk Empire, Richard has come more and more into my focus.   I found myself hoping for more and more Richard scenes each episode.  And while the show is too rich, detailed and engaging to ever become solely “The Richard Show” to me, it veers that way often.

And after last season’s heart-in-your-throat-the-entire-time finale?  Oh my god.  I will refrain from saying anything in detail so I don’t spoil it for anyone who isn’t there yet… but OH MY GOD.   WHAT RICHARD DOES.  I already loved him but now he has shifted into my permanent mental file of characters to draw upon in times of trial and peril.   Characters who inspire me to keep on when I want to give up, with their purity, love, devotion, strength, tenacity and selflessness.

For anyone who has already seen it, this is what I’m referring to.

Richard has obviously had a huge impact on me.  And as usually happens with things which have a big impact on me, I wanted to turn it into a photo.  I crafted a bandage to cover my left eye, with symbolic blood droplets on it (as a side note, I am nearsighted in one eye and farsighted in the other, and having the bandage covering just one eye for the 20-30 minutes it took to shoot this was AWFUL  for my head.  I finally stopped because I knew a migraine was just around the corner if I didn’t.)  My very generous brother lent me his (sharp!) dagger and I posed in front of the dollhouse my dad built for me when I was about five.  That seemed like the perfect symbol of innocence, as well as being personally meaningful to me.

bandage

dagger

This is my tribute to Richard; his strength, loyalty, fierceness and protection of innocence.  And hey, Jack Huston, if you somehow came across this, have your publicist contact me!  🙂

Protection Of Innocence

Protection Of Innocence

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