This is one of those things that built up slowly in my head for a while, then suddenly crystallized with numerous people and sources suddenly (unaware of each other) all started giving me the same advice. After some thought, and a little bit of regret, I’ve decided that they are right and I need to make some changes in how I approach my art.
I need to slow down. This is very hard for me to do; art is my obsession and I want nothing more than to be producing all that I can as often as I can.
I also need to set my focus more narrowly on DreamWorld. There is SO MUCH that you guys have no idea about yet, and I need to get to the place where I CAN show you all that stuff!
The thing is, I have to accept that for the time being, I have very limited supplies of time, energy and money. I’m hopeful, of course, that I will eventually start feeling better, but for now, I have to accept that this how things are right now. My energy and time allowances have shrunk every year since I first came down with ME. My chronic pain, daily headaches and frequent migraines don’t help anything. Since I’m dealing with far, far fewer productive hours in the day than your average person has, I need to hoard them and make the absolute most that I can with them. None of those minutes can be wasted.
I’m still weighing things, but I may (for now at least) not edit every shoot on my hard drive. Don’t despair, models waiting for images, I’m not saying none of them will be edited, I just have to really pare things down and only spend the time editing images which I REALLY love.
This also means that I’ll probably be putting out fewer images per year. This makes me sad, and is the main source of my resistance to the idea of slowing down. It’s really hard to watch all my friends and colleagues churn out fantastic image after fantastic image and have nothing even on the radar to be shown soon. You get used to a certain amount of being left behind by the rest of the world when you’re always sick, but it doesn’t make it sting less each new time you feel it. I love getting to show you guy a new piece! It’s usually the highlight of my week when I post an image. 🙂 But despite this, I know that this is the right thing for me to do now.
I’m also making some big changes with a lot of DreamWorld concepts; changes which will make the images I do create even better and more impactful, but which requires quite a lot of work on my end which and won’t produce anything I can show you guys, even as a work-in-progress sort of thing. On one hand, I feel dangerously close to being forgotten and left behind while other artists quickly turn out magnificent pieces… but again, I know that I need to do this preliminary work. It’s going to have a ripple effect through all of DreamWorld and the images which come from it will be better than ever! I hope you guys will be patient and not forget about me or DreamWorld in the periods when I have nothing new to show. 🙂
Thank you all for the love and support you have shown me and my work over the years. It really means so much more than I can say! I am so grateful for every single person who enjoys and follows my work. Even if I can’t put out as many images as I have in the past, I can make sure that the ones I do create are the BEST that I can do. It may frustrate me sometimes, but the extra work I’m pouring into DreamWorld is only going to make it better, brighter, tighter, more emotional and more meaningful. Thank you for bearing with me.
You’ll notice there isn’t a new image with this post; that’s kind of the point!
And thank you, as always, to Geoff for being an unending font of wisdom, clarity and sage advice. 🙂
A Strange New World © Sarah Allegra. A self portrait, one of the first images I shot for DreamWorld. I imagine this girl has just returned to our world after years of journeying through DreamWorld only to find that not a day has passed, much like Narnia. 🙂
Mythic Pictures 
Sarah!
You are doing the hardest thing. Doing less requires an intense discipline. Lay down and heal. Let it happen.
Last night I stopped fighting the exhaustion and went to bed at 9pm. I slept for 12 hours. It’s something I’ve been thinking of doing for a while. A REM cycle lasts about 90 minutes, so if I get 12 hours instead of 9, that’s two more cycles; more REM means more healing. I am going to try doing this every day for the next while and see if it helps. It’s hard. I am shortening my days. But hopefully it will lead to richer, more productive days in the long run.
I hope the same for you.
*Hugs* A
“If you’re not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing.” – Malcolm X
Date: Wed, 13 Jan 2016 16:39:14 +0000 To: killtommy@hotmail.com
Thank you, dear Alex! I think it’s hard to understand just how hard enforced rest can be until you’re on the resting end. Which I can understand, most people would be thrilled to have less to do and have time to watch Netflix! But all that fucking resting is SO HARD TO DO, especially over loooong periods of time and without an end in sight. And when you want to be doing things, being productive, fulfilling your purpose in life. I definitely have an obsession with art and not being able to engage in it the way I want kills me… but at the same time, I haven’t been able to engage with it the way I’ve wanted to ever, really. And this way I will be producing *better* work, even if there’s a smaller quantity.
Good for you for getting so much sleep! I know, that was really hard for me to adjust to also, but once I started giving myself a few extra hours to sleep, it did make a difference in how I felt. It also frustrated me, as you said, because you automatically lose several hours every single day, but the health benefits outweighed the cost for me. I hope you find it helpful!
I also found (sorry if I’ve told you this already) that keeping the time I go to bed as consistent as possible helped a great deal. I go to bed at 9:30, rain or shine. This also means I miss out on a lot of evening plans, but I probably couldn’t have gone to them anyway 😉 This was hard for Geoff and me both since it cuts directly into how much time we get together each weekday, but we both saw it helped me, so Geoff has been extremely supportive of it!
I hope the extra rest does both of us worlds of good! Thank you for your lovely comment and your support; I so appreciate it!!
*hugs*
I know how you feel… well, sort of – I do not struggle with a chronic physical disease, which I know must be heartbreaking and so hard…. but I do struggle with chronic depression, and I work 2 jobs and have 4 kids (and a wonderful husband too!) – which means at this time in my life, I do not have the time to devote to my photography/art that I love so much… I have come to realize that now is not my time for my art, no matter how bad I want it to be (need it to be), but I have to be kind to myself and let things go and do what I can do… if that means only creating 6 great images this year, then that will be enough because I will know that on those 6 images I did my best and I can be proud of that.
and you can too… we love you and are here for you… we wont forget you! we always look forward to your next work!
Oh my, you certainly have a lot to contend with!! I’d say you understand where I’m coming from. I’ve been depressed on and off since I was a teenager also; sometimes there’s a clear reason behind it, sometimes it seems to just attack out of the blue… it’s such a frustrating illness. But having to juggle 2 jobs, 4 kids and a husband must be brutal sometimes! Not that they aren’t also wonderful and (hopefully) bring a lot of joy to your life, it’s just a lot to have on your plate!
I’m sorry that you have had to scale back your photography; it’s maddening, isn’t it? Especially when you know it would be really therapeutic! Definitely coming from a place of self-love is important in how you prioritize things. Loving yourself is one of the best things you can do to help your kids grow up into great adults, so it’s not selfish or wasting time. You are important too 🙂 It sounds like you have a good attitude about things and you’re finding balance, which I’m glad for. You might find there are times when you just NEED to create for the good of your soul; make time for yourself then, and as you said, make it the best you possibly can! I’m trying to find that balance too 🙂
Thank you so, so much for your kind words and support! It really means so much to me, I appreciate it more than I can say! I will probably continue posting here as often as I did before (Every couple weeks? Once a month? Hahah, I’m not even sure!) so I can kinda stay in touch that way and I’ll continue with of my social media outlets, I just need to spend the time I have really narrowing my focus and putting EVERYTHING into what I make. Thank you again so much for your lovely support!! ❤